happyful

February

2012-02-04T21:58:00.004-08:00

I keep feeling compelled to write the little moments of my life. There are too many things I will forget if I do not. I'm sorry if my collection of thoughts posted very intermittently is not interesting to those reading, but it's the bare details of what I am able to get in and what I want to remember.

C is walking now. He's gaining more confidence each time he takes off. He walks just like J sleeps--with his arms stretched high above his head. Sometime soon he will realize that he can balance better with them to his sides and I will miss his up-stretched arms. He still only goes short distances, and usually reverts to crawling before long, but it's exciting to watch him grow. I am looking forward to a summer of playing outside with two little boys who can run around the yard.

My boys are developing a greater friendship and complex relationship. I'm sure it is with all siblings, but it's fascinating to watch their two personalities meld in a way that will forever shape their lives. C is a jealous little fellow, as I've mentioned before, and I don't think it's really developmentally possible for a three year old to really share. Yesterday I was playing with my boys on C's bedroom floor. I asked C to give J a hug, and he did. He cuddled in his head, wrapped his arms around his brother, and gave a little coo of sorts that sounded like he was trying to say "hug." J is an affectionate boy, and he ate it up. They sat there hugging for a couple of seconds and enjoying their brotherly love. It's those sorts of moments that make me a happy mommy. I went to bed content last night. I had a wonderful day of enjoying little moments like that with them.

J used the words "pleased" and "careless" the other day. I'm not sure when he used pleased, but he told me C was being careless in the bathtub. It's odd to hear those sorts of words come out of the mouth of such a little boy--especially when he uses them correctly the first time. He frequently tells B and I he's "frustrated" at us when we won't let him do something. He's a smart one, I think. I worry sometimes that we are too hard on him, that we will crush him with expectations. It's already extra pressure being the oldest child, and then add all of his energy and smarts and skills without the wisdom to use those skills and you get almost constant correction. He is sensitive, but strong. I try to cuddle him when I get the chance, and tell him why I love him so, about how he is smart and kind and creative. He melts with attention, and I can tell it fills him up, in a way. The other day he was acting up as we were getting ready for church, and I knew he needed to feel loved. I was still getting ready and couldn't do it, so I told B to pick him up and let J sit on his lap while B ate breakfast for a little cuddle. When they were done, J was happy again, as if nothing had ever happened. I guess sometimes we all need someone to do that to us, right? Cuddle us and reaffirm that we are okay just the way we are. You are okay just the way you are, you know, even if you don't have anyone to cuddle you right now.

Thanks, you all, for reading. It's nice to know that someone out there is reading and caring. I appreciate you out there in cyberspace. Good night and good luck!

C, at 1 year

2012-01-14T21:51:00.000-08:00

I cuddled C tonight. His top two teeth have been coming in for a week or so, and I think they might break out tonight or tomorrow, so he has had some trouble sleeping. He woke up tonight and I sat in his room with him against my chest and let him fall asleep there, much like when he was a little infant with what we thought was RSV and I was to worried to let him sleep laying down flat, so we slept the better part of the night like that, him and me, in his chair.

C's not a cuddly baby, so I enjoy those late-night cuddle sessions a lot. Tonight, after a couple minutes, he started to squirm, signifying that he was done with the cuddle. I hope he sleeps peacefully.

His personality is really starting to come out, and he's learning new things so quickly now. Just today he started shaking his head no, although I'm not sure he knows what it means. He loves books--especially to touchy-feely ones his Grandma R gave him for Christmas. He likes to read the one about the fish and open and close his mouth like a fish, and then wave bye bye to them when they go to sleep at the end of the book. He's loud and dramatic, and he lets you know when he's not happy. And when he is happy, he shrieks with delight. Shrieks, I tell you. Loud.

He also has a thing with bonking his head on things. I think it started out innocently enough--just experimenting with different sensations. Then he started doing it on his brother's head. They had fun laughing about that for a little while. Then it started hurting. Now he does it to J when he is mad at him. He gets jealous whenever J is sitting on my lap--after all, I am his--and so he will try to hit him with his head and push him off! We even caught him the other day holding J by the hair and bonking him with his head. J was crying. The 1-year-old was beating the 3-year-old up.

J is going to have a run for his money as his little brother gets bigger. We were at the grocery store the other day and bought some cheap, end-of-the-day doughnuts. I gave one to J, but just fed C bites. B and I were discussing something we were buying, and I didn't feed C bites for a couple of minutes, and when B and I looked back down, C had J in a headlock, trying to grab his doughnut. Oh dear.

But they also are becoming good friends. J tries to convince C to do things he is not supposed to do, like throw food on the ground, and I find them actually playing together sometimes, which I love and it warms the bottoms of my hearts. I hope they will be good, good friends. J already tells me that they are brothers, because they are friends. :)

C loves stuffed animals. He likes to sleep with several. He loves food, and knows when you have a treat. He wants me within 5 feet of him at all times, preferably holding him. He likes his dad now too. I can leave them together without being aware that C is crying the whole time I am gone. It's lovely! He refuses to try walking after trying a couple of steps on New Year's Day, but his is visibly proud of himself when he stands alone. He likes attention. He loves music. I've started playing a cd when he goes to sleep because he loves it so. He likes to dance. He likes to play with cars, and will spend a large amount of time putting things in and out of containers. He only takes 1 nap now, and it is often short, but he is done with the day before 8:00pm and sleeps most of the night (except lately, with the teething). He's a big kid, and he has especially big feet. He's wearing size 5 shoes--the same ones J wore from 18-22 months or so.

My C buddy, you are a joy. You make us happy. And you are one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Love you so.

Remembering Moments

2011-10-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking I'll remember the little moments of my days. The way my baby's hands feel snuggled around my neck, with his little face tucked into my shoulder, on our way up to his bed. The way he pops up and smiles and kicks whenever I walk into the room. J's happy giggle as he reads a book with his dad and is able to be just as silly as his little heart wants to be. His happy doggy dance. His funny little sayings. His latest is "Anyway Hiya." I have no idea what it means. The way his eyes slowly close when his is falling asleep while reading books before bed, his long, beautiful eyelashes finally laying flat on his cheeks.

And even as I lay C down to bed, and try to imprint that image and feeling into my mind, I know I won't remember it. That tomorrow I won't be able to remember all the funny things that J said. That time is slipping away, and my babies aren't really babies as much anymore. I'll keep working on each day as it comes, struggling at times, content at times, but forgetting each day as it passes.

I wish I had the memory that could recall moments. But I wish even more that the imprint of those beautiful memories will be left on my heart. The prints of my babies will forever be there, even if the memories are not.

Recent beautiful moments:

J asking if a caramel apple is healthy or a treat. He asks me that all the time. If it is, he says "Yea!" if he likes it. If I say it's a treat, he says "Awwww."
C is working on scooting. But since he's a little momma's boy, he doesn't really like to leave my lap. If I try to leave him on the floor, he comes scooting, whining the whole way, to find me.
J loves to do things by himself. Especially things he shouldn't really try by himself. Squeezing toothpaste. Climbing counter tops. He also likes to share food with C. He does a pretty good job of asking me before if C can have it.
C loooooves food. He eats more than J. By far. But J ate a lot at that age too. Still hoping C's non-picky eating continues for his lifetime.
J loves to go play at his Grandmother's houses. He's always asking to go to Grandma R's, Grandma S's, Great Grandma S's, or Great Grandma G's. Any of them equal a special trip.
C has the prettiest, biggest blue eyes. They are stunning. His face is adorable. His Dad and I can't help oohing and ahh-ing over him and kissing his little cheeks.
J loves to read books. Maybe that's just because it delays bedtime. Last night I found he had sneaked books into his bed and was reading at 11:00. I thought he was asleep.

Hard Things

2011-09-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

This post is about potty training. Just a warning before you read it.

I named today Potty Day, the day I would potty train J. I talked it up for weeks ahead of time. I prepared ahead. I gathered supplies and treats. I got a little stool for him to stand on to wash his hands. I bought the undies and read books on the topic. I made sure J and I got enough sleep for the onslaught that was coming for us. I felt like it was time for him to move forward and so I proceeded.

This morning I got up early and showered before the rest of the house was up. I woke my baby up a little early to eat, knowing that he'd go down for a nap earlier and leave me a good chunk of time to spend with J. I talked up the fun we would have and the treats, and brought out Lighting McQueen undies and showed them to J one by one to fight his reluctance. He tried to hide his delight but couldn't. We threw out two of J's diapers to signify that he was done and put on his new undies.

As soon as C went down for his morning nap, J and I started in on teaching his doll to use the toilet. He had an accident at the very beginning, but in general we were both excited about the treats and process. He drank several drinks that he doesn't normally get to fill him up with liquid and increase the likelihood of needing to use the bathroom. I sat in front of him as he sat on his little froggy toilet for a while. He didn't/couldn't figure out how to go. We decided to go color some pictures to keep spirits up. Immediately after sitting down, he went on the chair.

But no matter. I had him wipe up the mess and change. We practiced running back and forth to the toilet so he would know what to do. I think he had another accident immediately after we were done.

I felt like this kept repeating itself. Accident after accident. He probably hadn't need to drink two full drinks beforehand. After 2 hours, I was getting exhausted generating that much enthusiasm in the face of continuous failure and my back hurt from bending down shepherding my little boy from place to place. He had a couple of successes, but he was leaking everywhere, every 5 minutes or so. We had 3 or 4 successes and 10 accidents before nap time. I wondered if he was even getting the process at all.

When J woke up from his nap, he was grumpy. I think he woke up before he should have. I tried to take off his waterproof liner that I had decided to use when he was sleeping. He threw a fit on the bathroom floor and had an accident sitting 3 feet away from his toilet.

The rest of the afternoon didn't go much better. He just looked down at himself when he had accidents for the next couple of hours, unconcerned about the mess running down his leg. When I was trying to get him to only wear one pair of underwear instead of the 3 pairs and 1 pair of pants he had on, he lost it, demanded to have diapers put on him. He was a baby, he told me. he wasn't big, he was too little. He didn't want to do underwear or have anything to do with bodily functions again.

I sat on the floor and tried to hold my ground. Tried to convince him into underwear again. Tried to not let my self-doubt creep up over me. I wasn't sure what to do. Was he really aware enough of his body to know what to do? This was becoming a battle of wills and I wasn't sure I would win. If he didn't want to learn how to use the toilet, was it really possible to convince him otherwise? Was it right to ask my son to do such a hard step right now? I finally got him to put on a single pair of underwear. It was hard.

I doubted all evening. But I knew that if I didn't at least hold out for a little bit longer, I would be changing J's diapers until he was four and a half. We had long since moved through all the Lightning McQueen undies and were fast running out of Thomas the Train. I was desperate. At about 7:00, J threw some toys after several reminders not to do so and I decided that his time-out should be on the toilet, despite his protestations of not wanting to have anything to do with it. I promised treats and he finally sat down.

He went. He went and it was like the little light bulb in his head clicked on! He got his treat just as his dad came home from work. I demanded that he use the toilet a little while later and he went again! He was delighted with himself. He tried again and again all evening, even feeling so confident as to shut the door and tell me not to come in as he (successfully) used the bathroom. He figured out how to make his body work!

I'm not sure if I felt more excited or just relieved. Relieved that the whole day had worked, that he had figured it out. I still just feel exhausted, but I am so glad that we had real success before the end of the day. What a roller-coaster of a day! This was one of my harder days as a mother, especially because I felt like I had no clue what I was doing and no idea if it was even going right.

I'm sure tomorrow will be another day of ups and downs, but I'm hoping it will at least be better.

Tender mercy of the day #1: C took a morning nap from 9:30am to 1:30am. He doesn't usually sleep that long in the mornings. He went back to sleep for an afternoon nap just before J woke up from his nap upset. I couldn't have hoped for a better situation.

Tender mercy of the day #2: Only one of the many accidents was on carpet. And even it was largely deflected by a blanket. Not sure how I got that lucky. :)

The Dining Room

2011-09-13T22:50:00.001-07:00

Before:

After:

The dining room is finally done! Here are the things that we did in this room:

Removed the wallpaper
Scrubbed the walls
Painted the crown molding and baseboards
Painted the walls
Created a stencil
Stenciled the walls

The stenciling took a lot longer than I thought, but I love how it turned out.

Frog Creek

2011-09-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

J has been into making forts lately. They consist of collecting every possible linen found in the house draped over a larger object. He made the first one over his bed a couple of weeks back and named it "Frog Creek." We let him keep it up for about a week, despite the fact that it meant all of his bed linens (and often ours) were draped off the side of his bed. He decided he didn't need to sleep with covers or a pillow. Everything was sacrificed to Frog Creek.

I finally took it down because of the disgust that it caused in my heart every time I looked at the pile of blankets and thought about the collection of toys that were hiding under them. J cried. "But I love it so, so, so much!" He told me, barely able to get the words out between his sobs.

I finally finished my stencil job in the dining room, which means my mess got moved out. Into the living room. That's the next room on the agenda. B moved all the couches away from the walls so I could access them more easily. Then he took the large rug from off the floor and draped it over the tops of the couches, coffee table, and end table.

"Look, J! It's another frog creek!" He told our little boy.

I think he did it so I will finish the living room quickly. (Not really.)

J even pushed his little brother in to see the fun.

In the meantime, I will continue to rescue my dish towels, bed pillows, paint supplies, and other odds and ends from the slum town in my living room that is Frog Creek.

August End

2011-08-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Grandpa's book turned out lovely. I think he liked it, but I know my Grandma loved it. She came over before the book arrived and looked at the printout of it, and she just cried. Her reaction made all the hard work worth it.

I love to give people gifts that 1) mean a lot to them and 2) are things that they couldn't do for themselves, but I have a special ability to accomplish. And I sometimes will go way out of my way to do that, just to see them be happy.

Conversely, if I don't have a gift that I feel will mean a lot, I don't give one at all, as often happens for Mother's or Father's Day. My parents don't seem to care as much about gifts, and they are especially difficult to buy for, so I often don't attempt at giving one. I shy away from giving gifts that won't be appreciated.

This sometimes causes problems for me. For instance, I spent an afternoon in France getting a videotape of my cousin (who was a missionary there) singing for his brother's wedding--despite the fact that B and I had limited time there. B didn't love that. But I think it meant a tremendous amount to my aunt and cousin and I loved doing it for them. And I also become unequal in my gift-giving. I gave a quilt to one of my roommates for her wedding, intending to give one to all of my other roommates as well, but I have yet to do so. The quilt took a little more work than I planned on (like most of my projects). I still hope to make some more some day for my other dear friends, but I feel bad about it just the same.

Which brings up another thing about me: I am good at starting projects, but not finishing them. Partly because I pick things that take a long time. B likes to point out how many things I currently have started when I want to start something new. I have door frames in our house that are half painted. My dining room is slowly getting stenciled walls. The dining room has been without wallpaper for about 6 months, waiting for the walls to be scrubbed, patched, and painted, and one of the bathrooms upstairs and the wall leading up the stairs have only some of the wallpaper removed. I also have a quilt, a detailed art project for my son's room, and a secondhand wooden train waiting in the wings. And I've started trying to write fiction again. I've never finished any writing, but I would really like to someday.

But as my aunt said when I mentioned last week that we needed a mulligan (re-do) on our vegetable garden this year, I'm raising kids and weeds, and I can be proud of that. And things are getting done around here. I feel like I've accomplished a lot in the year since we've moved into this house.

Life is lovely. I am enjoying summer and my boys. Even if one has been laying in bed for two hours tonight without falling asleep (J). My dear sister came over tonight and spent time with me, and my other dear sister watched my boys last night and then scrubbed my kitchen while waiting for me to get home. The stinker. :)

J thinks he needs to go to sleep with the light on and door open lately. And then he doesn't sleep. He loves to paint and draw and play with cars and make forts. He is an active little kid. And he is getting bigger. He's convinced me a couple of time lately that he is big enough to walk around the grocery store with me instead of sit in the cart. It seems he can sense the trust that I have in him to obey when I let him, and he tries hard to be good.

C is on the brink of moving. We put the wheels on his walker and he was going in circles around the kitchen tonight. How does time move so fast? He was laughing tonight as I "ate" his belly and neck, and as my sister played with him, and each little giggle makes me love him more. He cuddled up to me as I put him to bed tonight--something he rarely does--and I counted my blessings once again.

I know my thoughts tonight are random, but when I don't post as often, that's what happens--a mad catch-up of my thoughts. I want to squeeze out every last drop of summer these days. Life, with all it's craziness, is just too good.

Grandpa's Book

2011-07-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

I've been working on a book for my Grandpa's 80th birthday for a while now. It's nothing fancy, at all, but I volunteered to do it after seeing a similar one on a blog that I read. I thought it would be a fun project. After all, I love to get into new projects.

On Monday, I needed to get it uploaded to the website. As in, I had to have it done on Monday, otherwise even with paying for faster shipping it would not get here in time for his birthday on the 28th. I had worked on it the whole previous week, spending my days up at my Mom's house so she could help watch my boys while I worked. Even a simple book is a big project. Especially because we had to scan in so many pictures, which I hope look okay when the book is published.

Anyways, on Monday I needed it done. I spent the morning throwing the last couple of pictures into a few spreads—I just couldn't leave them behind!—and then at about noon I tried sending it.

Problem—it was the wrong size. Just by a leetle.

I tried sending an email to the customer support, and waited 2-3 hours. Their response was totally not at all helpful. Felt like a form letter. I finally fixed the size, adjusted the things inside the book, and tried to load it again.

I just kept having problems.

My computer and its version of programs are old, so that caused some major problems with not embedding fonts correctly in the PDF, etc, etc, etc. Anyway, to cut a long story short, at 11:00 pm I was still having problems even after following all the site's troubleshooting options.

That's where B stepped in. When I was starting to die and despair, he got online and researched the problem until we were able to find a solution that actually worked. It was like a miracle. About 1:00 am, the file finally loaded and I was able to rush-ship a book that should get here on my Grandpa's birthday (and if it doesn't, then that site is really in trouble). 1:00 am! And my B needs his sleep more than most people. Not only was I relieved to have the file up and going, but I was so grateful for his help.

It reminded me of a time when we were dating and I needed to buy a whole children's cook book worth of ingredients for work so we could test out all of the recipes the next day. All of the recipes were desserts, made from relatively easy ingredients. (It was a children's cook book, but it was for the whole cook book.) B spent hours with me in the grocery store, being a calming influence and a tremendous help while I rushed around like Chicken Little. It meant so much to me at the time.

He's still just as kind. I married the right guy for me.

Now the book better come in time!

Bullying and Independence

2011-07-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

Stirring his eggs over the stove. I had to take a picture even though it probably fuels the independence fire.

My J is becoming quite the bully. He likes to push kids who are smaller than him. It's odd, because when he was little he was always a little softy. We went to a family reunion this weekend and every time he saw my cousin Autumn, who is about 2, he pushed her and made her cry. This resulted in a lot of time-outs. Carson, J's second cousin, who is 6 years old, told his mom he didn't like J because he kicked him, and Ann, who is 4, told me J was not her friend. Where did this come from?

Of course, it may, at least in part, stem from the fact that he didn't take a single nap over the 3-day weekend. One of the days he was upstairs in our room for 3 hours, and still didn't fall asleep.

It doesn't make me want to travel with him again anytime soon.

We are also hitting a little independent streak with him. My chairs, which have previously been tied to the table, are in serious danger of being retied. Whenever I am nursing his brother, J seems to find his way into doing something he should not. The other day when I was upstairs feeding C, I came down to find J stirring some eggs in a pan over the stove. He hadn't turned it on yet, but I can guess that is where that was going. He cracked 6 eggs by himself, quite well, I might add, into the pot, placed the shells back in the egg crate, and put the egg crate back in the fridge. Today he cooked, buttered, and applied jam to two pieces of toast--one for me and one for him. And he loves to pour himself juice and milk. He also has done a good job at these tasks.

I am simultaneously proud and horrified of this new development. I think it's awesome that he is trying new things and doing so well, but scared of what he could get into--what could happen if he actually does turn on the stove sometime--and the messes he will undoubtedly make. Independence is fantastic, but at what cost? I guess, if I am feeding his brother, he will continue to learn whether or not I like it.

Apron Strings

2011-06-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

This Sunday I was in church teaching a lesson to the Laurels (the 16-18 year old girls), when I became aware of a baby crying in the hall. "Uh-oh," I said, "That sounds like my baby."

Sure enough, it was. When class was over and I left the room, there was my little babe with red eyes. He had been giving his dad--who was supposed to be conducting his own meeting--a run for his money. But as soon as the little boy was back in my arms, he was happy again. No more tears, not hungry, nothing.

I've ended up with a major mama's boy.

This kid is happiest being held--constantly--by his mom. He picks me out of crowds when he's being held by other people and begs for me, whining much like a little puppy would beg for a treat, with those big, blue, forlorn eyes of his.

I always give in. In truth, I don't really mind it. It's nice to be wanted and needed. And he's such a cute little buddy.

But I do wish that when I left him with his daddy, he would be a little more content. For his daddy's sake.

On a little hike to the waterfall last night

My Puppy

2011-06-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

I have a little puppy who lives in my house now.

He looks strangely like J.

He likes to give puppy kisses and crawl around on the floor.

The kisses are cute, but I do kinda cringe when I get them.

Uh-huh. . . .

2011-06-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

The other day the boys and I were going to meet B at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. J requested a quesadilla, so I called B to let him know.

After I got off the phone, I told J that dad would be getting him a quesadilla.

"Solved that problem," he told me.

Do you ever wonder where kids pick up phrases enough to use them correctly?

Baby C is now a eating solid food! Just rice cereal, so don't get too excited. He seriously loves it. I don't remember the same sort of eagerness from J when he was beginning to eat. Does this mean I might have a child who will enjoy eating? It's yet to be seen, but I am getting my hopes up.

I visited my old work today, with the intention of asking them about the money they still owe me from three years ago. Unfortunately, I just had a pleasant visit with them instead and showed off my kids. I liked that too, but why am I so wimpy when it comes to negotiating money? Or even asking for what I am already owed? I must have gotten that quality from my Grandpa S. Still hoping they pay me once they get the money.

In other news, owls are again on the down-and-out. The plastic yard owl Grandpa R bought for J has now been relegated to the front porch--facing the wall.

A Conversation with a 2-Year-Old

2011-05-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

J comes to me in my room this morning, holding a small, blue, stuffed rabbit.

J: Bunny! (in a sad voice)

Me: What is wrong?

J: Bunny no have mom or dad or friends. He sad.

Me: Oh, poor bunny! But you can be his friend. And you can be his daddy. Then he won't be sad.

J: I not big.

Me: That's okay. You are big enough to take care of him.

J: You his mommy. (He shoves the bunny at me.)

Me: (I take the bunny and hug and kiss him.) There you go, bunny. We love you and we are your friends. (I give the bunny back to him.)

J: (Hugs and kisses the bunny) Bunny happy!

The end

Gone!

2011-05-15T16:01:00.001-07:00

Giving up the habit

Well, the deed is done. The paci's are gone. I sound like an assassin from a movie, don't I? I warned J ahead of time what we were doing, and he readily agreed, but I don't think he understood entirely.

On Wednesday, J and I dropped off baby C at my mom's house and met B and my mother-in-law at Build-A-Bear with a bag of 4 well-loved pacifiers. We had looked at the website the night before and J had decided which one he wanted--a "water bear"--or in other words, a camouflage bear in green, black, and brown. Not what I would have chosen, but he was so excited and talked about it the morning before. He quickly found a "water bear" at the store and ran to trade his paci's for them. He barely even glanced at them as the employee took them away. He chose one to stuff inside with the little fabric hearts they also put in, making the bear a true Paci Bear.

Stuffing Paci Bear with one of the pacifiers

J-Buddy also found a doll/stuffed animal stroller in the store that he couldn't get enough of, so we splurged and spoiled and got him a little stroller to put the bear into. Grandma R made sure he had a shirt to wear. And then we walked through the mall with one proud little boy pushing his bear through the mall, so exuberant he barely had time to watch where he was going.

The proud boy

He sobbed the first nap back at home, asking for his paci's, but he realized what had happened to them, and Paci Bear was there to hug instead.

He was so proud of himself. And he still is. Whenever we talk about how big he is to have given up his paci's and not to need them any more, he excitedly stretches to his full height and smiles and makes silly noises. In general he has slept great, but the going to bed process has been a little harder. Where he once laid down quickly and went right to sleep, he has been popping out of bed and finding furniture to climb on to turn on his bedroom light. And if he wakes up early from a nap, it's a lot harder for me to calm him down and get him back to sleep. He usually ends up with an abbreviated nap instead. But that seems to be getting better as well. The last two nights he has started to get used to the idea of going to sleep again.

The other night he did ask to hold C's paci as he was going to sleep. Um . . . no.

Ode to the Paci

2011-05-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

Today I was mean.

It all started this morning when J found a long-lost paci under my bed. He brought it to me and asked me to "peese" wash it off. I complied, even though it wasn't nap time and he isn't really supposed to have paci's when he's not in bed. When I gave it back to him he said "Thank you, mommy," and gave me a hug around my legs.

My heart wanted to break, or melt, or something.

I had woken up this morning feeling like this was the week, like this should be the week, that J's paci's disappeared forever. I know that it's time deep within me, even though I'd like to avoid the situation all together.

I've been planning for a while how I'm going to do it. I'm going to take J to Build-A-Bear, a place he's been before with his Grandma R, and we will "trade" the paci's for a new, less detrimental-to-the-teeth security object of his choice. Perhaps we will even stick one of the old paci's in the stuffed animal as we are making it. I've warned J of this upcoming event several times already, to which he seems readily willing to give up the paci's for a new toy. But I'm pretty sure it won't be that easy once the time comes.

He's like a little addict with those things. He's willing to do just about anything to get them, he strokes them as he goes to sleep, and switches from one to the other to taste all of them. I can get him to follow me up to his bed just by mentioning them, and today I caught him after his nap just laying there quietly in bed, switching each one in and out.

I loathe to get rid of them. I really do. Tonight I was contemplating how it's just another appendage of babyhood that is slipping away. It feels like I'll be throwing a small funeral at Build-A-Bear later this week. And I know that as with any addiction, there will be withdrawals.

So this afternoon, on a whim, I took the newly found paci and a pair of my kitchen shears, snipped the top of the rubber nipple off, and left it on the counter for J to find. He did, and noticed it was damaged immediately. "Oh no," he mourned as he saw it.

I felt so dishonest, sneaking behind his back to take something precious from him away. He's old enough to get what's going on, at least to some degree. At least with our "funeral" later this week everything will be out in the open and he will recognize the loss as it happens.

I'm not looking forward to it one bit.

Tonight, J showed his daddy the broken paci and informed him that C did it. I don't think so, little boy. :)

Ordinary Days

2011-05-07T14:39:00.001-07:00

It seems that most of my time on the computer these days is spent while I am nursing my baby. And while I can do two things at once, a third--typing one-handed, is just not happening. Hence the slowing down of blog posts. That and the fact that my little babe likes to be held any time he is awake.

Spring is here. And it's quickly feeling like summer. I think that's why I like fall and spring the best--they are so fleeting. You just catch a glimpse of their beauty as they whisk by. And before I know it the blossoms are gone and the world is happily green again.

J continues to be a cute little wild man. He is happy and rambunctious and loving. He rarely sits still long enough to finish a meal (or even eat half of it), but he continues to smile and hug and climb large pieces of furniture. Today he was trying to climb the arch that the roses grow up over. Must stop that.

C is sleeping well! He has been moved into his own room now. It seemed to be a natural progression, which I love. I have a hard time ending the period when my babies sleep beside my bed, but he started sleeping about 8 hours at a stretch and he needed to begin a more consistent bedtime. I've decided he likes action. He doesn't want you to sit with him, he wants you to walk around to show him everything that is going on. I do a lot of things one-handed these days.

My brother and sister-in-law moved into our basement this past week. It is such a blessing to have them, because they are not only great to have along, but they paid us rent ahead of time so that we could replace the 25-year-old carpet downstairs, some of which had no carpet pad and was glued directly to the cement floor. And they helped us paint--all the funny-colored trim, all the gripper over the oil-based-painted-walls, and now the several coats of paint. We're still working on it, but it already looks amazingly better. It's nice to have my brother and sister-in-law's help jump-starting the project to get that space rent-able in the future. I really love owning a home and seeing all the changes that we get to do.

Life is good.

Today

2011-04-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Today J and I were out planting some seeds. C was sitting happily bundled in his carseat. J started watering the plants. Then he decided to water his brother.

And did you know that tractors are silly and amazing? They are according to J.

The brown sugar I measured out didn't make it into the cookies, but into the popcorn bowl. I wonder who did that?

But he also said his first prayer tonight all by himself.

I guess I'll keep him.

Golden

2011-03-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

I decided yesterday . . .

. . . that I like being a mom of two even better than I liked being the mom of one.

And that someday, I'll probably look back on these years as the golden ones of my life.

I couldn't help but smile today.

Wake-Up Call

2011-02-21T09:52:00.000-08:00

B had to work today. I drowsily woke as he got ready for work. I changed my baby's diaper and soiled clothes (again!), and cooed at him for a while, enjoying some fabulous little grins. Then, since that cute baby had not gone to sleep until midnight, curled back up in bed with my little babe and went back to sleep. I was exhausted.

About 9:00, J came trooping in, dragging his plasticized golf bag behind him ($5, Wal-Mart). I remember thinking it was incredibly cute through my sleepy stupor. When J usually appears in the morning or after naps, it usually comes with an enthusiastic "HEY!" which is the antithesis to my sloth-like morning mood. I am not sure if he said it this morning because I was too tired at the time.

I must have fallen back asleep, because I was awakened by J shoving a toothbrush in my mouth. B and I got the same toothbrushes at the dentist last visit, so I cannot tell if it is mine or his. It has no toothpaste on it.

I go with the flow (usually my way of choice) and obediently open my mouth for my son to brush my teeth, reminding him to do so softly. But the toothbrush tastes slightly funny.

It must be B's, I think, that he used before he left for work. What would he have had for breakfast that would have tasted like that? I am unsure, but allow J to continue brushing my front teeth. So nice of him to help me get going in the mornings.

Then I realize what the taste is. I have never tasted this particular taste, but I have smelled it. I jump out of bed and run to the sink to begin washing my mouth out.

HEMORRHOIDAL OINTMENT!!!!*

I have never liked the movie Rocketman, but at this moment I remember the poor man, rocketman's fellow astronaut, who finds himself in a similar situation and feel a wave of pity for him.

After my mouth has been sufficiently washed out and washed out again, I turn to J and ask him if he has eaten any of the "toothpaste."

"Yes," he says. I smell his breath and hands. Luckily he is lying.

And then I try to get rid of the taste further by self-medicating with Andes mints.

*Lest you think I keep poisons and medications where my son can get them, just know the ointment was on a high shelf above my bathroom vanity, where, apparently, he can get them. I thought we had removed all such things from that shelf, leaving only real toothpastes and lotion, but obviously. . . .

The shelf will be recleared this morning.

Luckily, J applied the "toothpaste" sparingly.

B-day and V-day

2011-02-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday. I love my birthday--the perfect combination of the holiday of love and a guilt-free celebration of myself. And it is such a happy holiday. At least, I have always thought so. Red and pink and hearts and candy! And love.

A birthday seems like a reason to make your day great. I made myself some eggs for breakfast just the way I wanted them, with sun-dried tomatoes and rice to wrap in a tortilla with lots of spinach. It was lovely. I fed some to J and within half a second those eggs were being spit out on my kitchen floor. Apparently he didn't care for them! :) I made him plain eggs after that.

I called up my friend and asked her if she and her two boys would like to go to the nearby inflatable toy place with J and me, right then. I have been wanting to take J lately because I knew that he would love it. He did. After the initial warming up phase where he stood stiffly and told me "ouchy," he thought it was the best thing ever. I don't think he would miss me if I left him there for a day or so (of course I wouldn't). He asked to go again first thing this morning. There is something so wonderful about watching your child experience joy. I think my smile was bigger than his as I watched him.

We went up to my mom's for the afternoon. I used the time when my boys took naps to iron B's shirts for his Valentine's surprise. B recently told me that one of the top three things he is looking forward to in heaven is never having to iron shirts again. Funny, huh? I don't think ironing is all that bad, but it helped me know what he would like for a present for his day of love.

My mom spent all afternoon creating a delicious birthday feast for the evening. My family all showed up. I love them. They must all love me to spend their Valentine's days celebrating my birthday.

J fell asleep on the way home from my parents' house. We carried him straight from the car to his bed. After I went to bed, I couldn't help thinking about all the sugar he had consumed (including the conversation hearts he was stuffing in his mouth like a ravenous beast as we were walking out my parents' door), so I got up, grabbed one of the three toothbrushes that he uses every night, and brushed his teeth as he slept. He tried to suck the toothpaste off and bite down on it as I was brushing, so it probably wasn't the most effective brush time in the world, but I felt better about his tooth situation anyway.

3 Really Nice People

2011-02-12T12:19:00.001-08:00

1. My sister Luli

How do you know when someone really loves you? When they spend about 10 hours at your house taking down wallpaper with you. That's what I am guessing her total time at. And she's a hard worker. She barely even took breaks. It's thanks to her that my living room and dining room are virtually wallpaper-free.

The walls need patching and painting now, but the wallpaper removal was a big job! Especially considering this is what it used to look like in both rooms:

It feels really good to have gotten so much done!

2. My aunt's in-laws

These people are strangers to me. I see them occasionally at parties for my aunt's kids, but that is it. They are always kind, friendly people. I was at my cousin's baptism a couple of months ago when I heard my aunt's father-in-law talking. They had recently moved and chosen not to move their piano. He was joking about it: "Well, we can store it in the garage and use it for firewood if times ever get tough," he said.

At this point I jumped into the conversation. I do this, occasionally, into conversations that I am not really a part of. The thought of a lonely piano sitting in a garage made me forget my manners at this moment. I said something about how if they needed someone to baby-sit the piano, I would be willing. I meant to be joking, you know. I really did.

But imagine my surprise when I got a call the next week asking if I really did want to baby-sit a piano. "For how long?" I asked. My aunt's father-in-law paused at this point. "Well, I don't know. . . . Maybe until one of the grandchildren wants it?"

Baby-sit a piano indefinitely? Sign me up. I have always wanted a piano in my home. Especially now that I have a home to put it in.

And then the piano turned out to be a really nice one. And they moved it for free. Here is where I feel incredibly blessed and grateful. Oh the kindness of generous strangers!

I love it, and I have been warming up my rusty fingers as often as I can. It makes my home feel more complete to have a piano in it.

3. Buddy C

And he doesn't have to do anything to be included on this list. He is just nice.

I guess if you want to nap in the toy box . . .

2011-02-12T12:14:00.000-08:00

Mama Bird

2011-01-31T12:58:00.001-08:00

I think about writing often these days, but I have so many thoughts I end up writing nothing at all. I think about writing about C's dark eyes that I can barely make out in the darkness of my room at night--little dark spots. I think about writing of my mothering successes--the job/sticker chart I made for J after seeing a study that found childhood chores to be of utmost importance. Or about the cute pillow I made for Valentine's Day. Or my first (successful!) outing to the store with two boys. I even thought about taking pictures of all the things I "deal with" as a mother in a day. Just to help me remember. Like finding blocks of cheese with J's mouse-sized bites out of them on the floor, or J perched in my top drawer smearing every possible lotion on his face--which consequentially gave his cheeks and neck a burn of some sort. But then I realized that too many of the things I deal with are bodily fluids. Or fingernails. I feel like I cut fingernails all the time. So the picture journaling is not going to happen.

But mostly what I want to write about is how lucky I feel to be doing the job I am doing right now. For all the clean-ups and changing outfits multiple times a day. For the stolen hours at night when I get to stare in my baby's eyes. I'm the only one who gets to do that, you know. Only I will really live through J's excitement when we remember together how he knew the answer to the question about what missionaries wear on their shirts ("name tags!"). His happy pride in being my smart, smart boy is so evident.

I am grateful for my good sons. J is absolutely crazy at times. He "ate" B's face last night instead of giving him a kiss. We went to his B's basketball game last week and J spent half the time jumping around like someone put a nickel in him and the other half trying to throw extra basketballs off the stage into the game. We had to rely on the help of several of the other spectators to stop him. But he also sat by his dad whenever B was out of the game, delighted to be by his side. And after the first three weeks of hugging and kissing his brother, he has decided to intersperse the hugging with quick whacks that he hopes mom won't see. I think we've mostly put an end to that, but you never know. Sometimes he reminds me of Max in Where the Wild Things Are--the wild rumpus man himself. Only he moves faster. There's no way J would have sat on a boat for a year and a day. He would have swam to shore faster.

But J is just as fierce a cuddler as he is a mover. He was in our bed the other night, cuddling with B when B got up to use the bathroom. Within two seconds he had moved over to press against me with the full length of his body. It was like a giant magnet was at work. And today he sat with me and read library books for over an hour, pressed against my side. He is quick to say sorry and thank you, or give you hugs if you are feeling bad. He has a sweet heart.

C is a good baby. He sometimes gets fussy at nights, and he likes to be held. And he is beautiful. I have been trying to keep him home and away from germs, but I would love to show everyone this cute, cute baby with the soft, sensitive skin and long dark hair. He has a little lizard belly--you know, where the width of his round stomach is slightly wider than his shoulders or hips. He loves to sleep soundly in anyone's arms.

B gave me a necklace for Christmas with a mama bird and two little pearls to represent my buddies. It was my favorite present because it shows exactly what I am right now. I am the mama bird.

I get to remember these things, to store them in my heart. I get to be their mother! I seriously do find myself thinking of the beauty of it all when I am up at night with C (in my coherent moments:). I love what I do. I truly do.

As long as I can get enough sleep to keep up with J. :)

Pictures of Thursday

2011-01-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

I can't resist . . .little boys with this face, reading books with their baby doll,

or who go outside to pet birds (nicely), although I doubt that's what happened. And what has he done to that window!?

Or pulling down offending wallpaper,

kissing this sleeping baby's cheek,

or eating too much of my favorite pasta.

Random Thoughts

2011-01-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

I tied my kitchen chairs to the table this week. I couldn't deal with J being able to get up on the counters whenever he wanted, including when I am in the shower. One day he got up and opened two candies, two Capri suns, and several band-aides. I'm just glad it wasn't something worse. Now I just have to keep the dining room door closed to keep him from dragging in the chairs from that table. I'd rather not have all the chairs tied down.

I put little shoes on C today. I have a couple cute pairs of baby shoes, and although there isn't much of a reason for him to wear them, his feet are already almost too big.

C ended up measuring 21.25 inches long at his 2 week appointment. Meaning the nurse at the hospital was probably way off. She said he was 18 inches long. I don't think he's grown over 3 inches in 2 weeks. So what do I put on a birth announcement? The bogus length or a guess?

J is such a sweetheart. He's such a tender little guy. Today he was down for a nap and I was changing C's soiled outfit--a process that usually makes C wail. Today was no exception. I had tried shutting my door to muffle the sound, but I hear J yelling through his door, "K, C___?" (The K is for OK, and C is C's name. That might be a little confusing.) J is always giving C hugs and kisses, and is generally pretty gentle with and concerned about his little brother. He even woke up from one of his naps and concernedly asked me where the baby was when he didn't see him immediately.

In my downtime this week, I made tissue paper pom poms, like these ones here: http://www.marthastewart.com/how-to/tissue-paper-pom-poms-how-to. I am going to hang them over C's crib. It's been a nice restful project during J's nap.

The snow on the ground has not melted in the last two weeks. I'm glad I've had an excuse to stay home and out of the cold. We're must be burning through our energy budget.

Little brother has a louder set of lungs than J. He's really a peaceful baby, but I remember J's cry being more like a little, quiet sheep baa. C can really wail when he wants to. Luckily he only really does when he's being changed--diaper or outfit.

More Cuteness

2011-01-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

I think that one is my favorite.

Two!

2011-01-13T16:28:00.000-08:00

I'm at Thursday on my first week alone (mostly) with two children, and I'm feeling like it's gone pretty well. Sure, B has been able to leave for work late, saving me from having to jump out of bed right when J calls in the morning, and I did spend most of yesterday at my Mom's after she watched J for C's 2 week appointment, but I have actually managed managed to shower everyday! Big accomplishment, huh? And I made dinner twice this week (so far)! Hooray.

I kid, but yet, I don't.

I'm enjoying the challenge, but, if you were to see my messy house, you would see that I've cut myself some slack. I've decided that is necessary when I'm still recuperating and getting used to two kids. Therefore I am still sane! Yea for having two buddies!

Lucky

2011-01-04T18:25:00.000-08:00

I sat on the couch yesterday cuddling my two little boys. J sat on a couple of pillows next to me, leaning against my side. My new little C in my arms, almost a week old. As we watched a couple of J's favorite tv shows, J would periodically lean over his new little brother and rest his head on C's chest in a 2-year-old's version of a hug.

How could a woman get any luckier?

I know the real word is blessed, but I feel lucky to be blessed in the ways that I have been. I am grateful to be a mother of sons.

My doctor agreed to induce me a week before my due date. The main motivation for this was to have this little boy born before the end of the year--I am married to a tax accountant, after all. :) At my appointment the day before the induction, the doctor told us that the baby was so low, he had tapped on his head. The hospital called that afternoon and told me I could expect a call between 6:00am and 10:00am the next morning.

We woke up the next morning to a crazy-cold snow storm. We were happy that the hospital hadn't called early that morning--mostly so that we had been able to sleep in, but also so that we hadn't had to drive when it was even colder. B went around that morning singing "Tonight" from West Side Story, changing the words to "I'll see my babe tonight!" as we got ready. We were happy and excited, although my excitement had a bit more nervousness to it than B's did. He was confident that all would go well.

At 10:00, the hospital still hadn't called, so I called them. Waiting around was making me antsy. I was next up. They hoped to call me in the next hour or two. At 11:15am, they call and ask when we can get there. We have to drop J off at my Mom's house so we tell them 45 minutes. B runs into Subway along the way so I can scarf down a sandwich. After all, we may be in for the long haul, and my breakfast has worn off. We arrive at the hospital at noon. By the time they get me situated on the IV, it is about 12:45.

My Mom made me pose for one last picture of my belly before leaving J at her house. I was ready to get outa there.

The doctor comes in to break my water about 1:30pm. I ask for the epidural even though I'm not in much pain, knowing that water-breaking normally makes contractions stronger, and that anesthesiologists don't come immediately when called. I know that a lot of people like the idea of natural labor, but I am not one of then. I don't go to the dentist and refuse Novocaine for my root canal, so why would I refuse it for childbirth? I don't get that one, but I am happy to let everyone make that choice for themselves.

As we wait, the nurses start coming in and asking me to change positions. "He's doing fine," they tell me, "but we just want him to be a little happier." Each time one of the contractions hits, his heart rate slows a little. The nurse tells me that it might be because he has a cord around his neck (the case in about 30% of births, she says). While her efforts to keep me turned the right way are vigilant, she says she is not that worried. "If it was your first baby, we could have a problem. But since it's not, he will probably come pretty quickly and it won't be an issue." She makes the prediction that we will have a baby by 3:00pm. 3:00pm?!? We give my mom and B's mom, who I had invited to come, a call to make sure they get there in time.

When Dr. Dan, the anesthesiologist, comes at about 2:15pm, the nurse puts me on oxygen just to make sure the baby has enough. Sure enough, just like last time, my legs get happily numb and my body starts racing towards full dilation. B sits happily by my side as we wait, eating the free cookies and soda that the hospital has for the fathers.

Relaxing with oxygen

Soon enough, I can feel the baby is coming (painfree! I might add), and the nurse starts prepping the room for delivery, and the doctor comes in to catch the baby after 3 pushes. It all seems too easy.

But it's true! My boy is there, healthy, with a full head of hair. They put him on a towel in my lap and I am almost in shock. He's really here! After 9 months of waiting! I remember saying he looked tiny (no doubt because of the 2-year-old I have at home), and everyone telling me he was perfect and beautiful. Baby C spent the better part of the next 2 hours looking around with his big eyes, taking in the world.

Meeting for the first time

He looks mostly like me and my baby pictures, which is fun since J looks mostly like his dad. He has dark eyes, my little baby nose, and lots of black hair. He also has little bird legs which I think are cute and funny, and big hands and feet. It seems like the nurses and doctors always comment on those long, skinny feet and toes. I am no expert on baby feet, but apparently they are extraordinary. :) Otherwise he weighed 7 lbs. 1oz., and was apparently 18in. long--but we are of the opinion that the nurse didn't stretch him out enough.

Getting cleaned up. I love that contented face.

Life has been good with this little guy around. He is a sleepy, lazy eater, that I have to convince to wake up repeatedly to eat, and he likes to be held. J has been ever so sweet with him. He is frequently asking "OK, baby?" hoping for a reply, whenever C makes a noise. My recovery has been fantastic--much faster than with J. With the exception of having a bit of jaundice, C has been healthy.

I am grateful for all the people in my life who have given me the chance this first week to concentrate so much attention on this little guy--my mom, my mother-in-law, and especially B. B has been working like crazy not only to take care of the house and J, but also to finish all sorts of little organizing, cleaning, and handyman projects. He is amazing.

Little by little, I am starting to feel like I want to be Mama to both my boys. My body is healing well so I don't cringe anymore when I pick up J and he wiggles. I am regaining the energy and desire to battle over bites of eggs or toast. This is the good life, and I am excited to be living it.

Cuddles and Hugs

2010-12-20T14:07:00.001-08:00

I'm giving my little buddy extra hugs today.

One long cuddle as he got out of the shower. Clean, diapered, and wrapped in a towel. He laid his head on my shoulder for a minute.

We went to the library together to return our books. We didn't check out more--not knowing what the upcoming weeks will hold--so we just read a pile of stories until it was time to go home.

We made popcorn for our second half of lunch (apples and oranges were the first half) and sat crunching it together in a dramatic fashion.

I put him to bed for his nap late. I was enjoying him being up with me. And he needed to eat a little more.

I cuddled him again as we went up the stairs. I love that he is an obliging cuddler. We blew kisses at each other as he laid in bed to go to sleep.

I'm going to miss it just being me and my little buddy.

Little brother will probably be more fun than we can imagine right now, and good for us both, but it just won't be the same.

Christmastime is coming, the goose is getting fat

2010-12-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe it's not only the goose who's plumping up. :)

This baby could be here any day. I'm hoping that since he's waited until now, he won't mind waiting an extra week. I would like to be a part of Christmas, and my doctor is out of town this week. But if he comes, he comes, and I'll be excited to meet him. It's also nice to know that the longest I'll have to wait to meet him is 9 days! He should be here on the 29th if he doesn't show up sooner.

I had everyone at church asking if I was ready for Christmas. And I feel like I am. I have a couple of things I would like to finish up, but nothing I have to do. I'm feeling especially at peace because of the nursery. Remember it? This is what it looked like when we moved in:

Well, you can take a deep, relaxing breath when you walk in there now, because this is what it looks like now:

Doesn't that just feel good? It's done! It's done! I started working on this room in May when we moved in, and between pulling off the wallpaper, texturizing and priming a wall, painting the trim, scrubbing off the wallpaper glue, and deciding to paint 3 other rooms in the meantime, it has been a really long project. But I love it now. Green is a hard paint color for me to get right, but I love how this turned out. The cards hung on the wall are Eric Carle's animal ABC flashcards. They are cute and they were easy, unlike the art project I am still working on for J's bedroom walls.

See, baby! We are ready for you to come!

Got 'Em Done

2010-12-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

And I like them. Pieces for the 4th one are waiting, so when little brother comes, we will be ready. We just need to meet him and make sure the name we've picked fits.

Snow, snow, snow, snow! It won't be long until we'll all be there . . .

2010-12-15T19:31:00.000-08:00

We went outside to play in the snow today. Fresh out of the shower, hair still damp.
J ate all the snow he could, until his little face turned red.
I built a snowman for J, kneeling, my belly hanging out of snow pants that didn't really fit.
J wanted to make frosty a hat, so he could talk.
(Already indoctrinated in classic Christmas shows by my mother.)
Frosty was sure to disappoint, so I sung "Thumpety, thump, thump" as we marched around the backyard.

(Bow ties with T-shirts are what happen when you let little boys pick out their own clothes. Fostering creativity?)

"Better to Be Sick with a Buddy . . .

2010-12-12T21:09:00.001-08:00

. . . than to never have a buddy at all."
-B

At least that's what B kept telling me all week. It's funny little saying that he made up, but it's very true. We both were sick with some sort of stomach bug all week, so much so that I felt like laying on the couch and doing nothing. No, I had to lay on the couch most of the week. There wasn't another option, really. B was sick all week as well, and it was a true case of misery loves company. I'm glad his boss told him to work from home if he had an inkling of sickness. I'm not sure I could have gotten through the week otherwise.

But it wasn't just the company that made the week better. It was that B was so stinkin' nice to me even when he didn't really have the energy to be. One morning he cleaned up a good portion of the house because he knew it would mean a lot to me, even though it left him incapacitated for the afternoon. With a sore stomach, a baby inside/putting pressure on that stomach, and a 2-year-old who did not have the decrease in energy his parents did, I had a rough time for a couple of days, and I couldn't have gotten through it without B.

My mom also was an angel. She was nice enough to take J for a night just to give us a rest, even with the risk of infection. She says she never gets sick. I used to never get sick. The last time I got a stomach bug was 6th grade. Apparently my luck is finally up. Or maybe not? I guess an stomach illness every 15 years is reasonable. If it's another 15 years before I get sick again, I'll be happy.

In other news, J learned how to push chairs around to get whatever he wants on the counter. Still holding my breath that it will be a while before he figures out how to open doors. . . .

He also discovered moon boots, which he loves, and I love on him.

This week he was yelling at my belly "Baby! . . .Come . . . play . . . with J!" I hope he's not too disappointed when he discovers that newborns don't really play. In fact, I'm guessing that having a baby full-time will be a disappointment for him in general. Pretty darn cute, though.

And my stockings are almost done as of this weekend. Happy.

Happenings

2010-12-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling completely uninspired to write as of late. Perhaps that stems from the flip-flopping emotions of late pregnancy--such that I have little to write down before my feelings change again. Perhaps it comes from the fact that not much has gone on. Perhaps it is because I don't really feel like everyone would be interested in hearing about contractions, etc.

The three constants of my life right now:

Taking care of my little boy
Working on my massive self-imposed to-do list
Contractions

Life has been pleasant. J is just as delightful as ever. He is getting so big so fast. He is putting his words together to make sentences, cleaning up after himself, and eating a reasonable amount for a picky little guy. B and I are shocked at how cute he is on a pretty much daily basis. It's hard to imagine that the little babe inside of me will have just as full of a personality and life as the boy we already have. Astounding, really.

My to-do list is coming along. There are very few things I can cross off entirely, but I am making progress on most fronts. The stockings are in pieces, ready to be sewn. 2 of the 7 art pieces for J's room are done, with major progress made on 2 others. I have finally picked a paint color for the nursery and am just working on the arduous task of scrubbing off all the wallpaper glue so I can paint. Kiki's scarf is nearing completion for her birthday, ahead of schedule, I might add. And I have basically finished painting the door frames in the upstairs hallway with approximately 1,000 coats of paint. (Basically finished means all done except the inside of J's door, since he is always sleeping when I paint.) Pretty good list, huh? I'm feeling proud of it.

And contractions. Funny thing is I never noticed any when pregnant with J. That may just have been my oblivion. After all, I was on pitocin at the hospital and the nurses would tell me I was having contractions, and I'd say "Really? Oh, maybe I can tell a little." Hah. Now I'm having lots per day and getting woken up in the night by them, although they are not painful. I hear that's more common the more pregnancies you have, but the difference has been substantial. I scheduled an induction date today with my doctor for less than a month away if the little guy doesn't come before that. That makes me more excited for everything than I was pre-appointment this morning. I'm getting reminded how many unknowns there are in pregnancy and childbirth. A lot. I'm excited to have this little boy here.

So that's it. Maybe there will be more posting after the baby comes, but for now, I am working away and waiting, waiting, waiting.

Books

2010-11-16T21:30:00.000-08:00

Taken after J went to bed, so as not to encourage such behavior.

My little buddy loves books.

Flipping through them quickly and then stacking them, that is. And when the stack falls down, he just keeps on stacking along the floor.

He works on this project multiple times a day. I can't say I discourage it. After all, it is much less annoying than his second favorite activity--emptying his dresser drawers and "stacking" all the clothes in a pile. That really is starting to eat at me. But the books? I can't entirely blame him. After all, I'm a sucker for books too.

Another Mom Rule

2010-11-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

There was a boy in my neighborhood growing up who went and did door-to-door sales for a summer. I am told he was an exceptional seller of whatever he was selling (I can't remember now what it was). Like really, really good. I asked his mom about it once, hoping to get some of the amazing details, but she declined, instead only choosing to say that he was doing well.

"I find that on the days I brag about him, he has horrible selling days," she said. She insinuated that she felt his bad days were a punishment for her pride in him.

Well, I got a lesson in how that works last night.

In the vein of Mom Rule #58495, here is Mom Rule #87493: Don't brag about your kids!

On Wednesday night, I was talking with some friends about our kids. I was telling them about how my little sweet J isn't really a grumpy child (he just moves faster when tired) and he goes to bed like a dream as long as pacifiers are around, which, I assure you, they always are. I tried to temper this conversation with other harder aspects of our little boy, such as the battle we have each meal to get him to sit still and eat, but alas, this must not have been enough.

Yesterday, Thursday, J decided to be a grump. He cried and complained when I wouldn't do exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it. We all have had little colds this week, and I had a on-and-off sinus headache throughout the day. He may have been frustrated with not feeling 100% as well. I don't know. Either way, he was a grump.

We ended up leaving him with my mom for the evening. I do not know if he was grumpy there. My guess is that he is so well-catered to there that there would never be any need for him to protest grumpily.

We took him home about 10:00pm. This is not an unusually late time for his bedtime. For some reason I am not one of those moms who puts their kids to bed at predetermined, early time. Not sure why. It's just worked for us so far. I'm guessing, however, with more children, this will change eventually. Either way, by the time J got home, he had fallen asleep. B tried to move him straight into bed, but he woke up and protested, so we sang him a little song and said his prayers and put him down.

But J would have none of it. He wanted to read his books. We weren't sure if he was just a little nervous after watching a little bit of Tarzan at my parents' house--he told them he wanted it turned off because of the "mean man"--so we let him read for a couple of minutes. As time went on, B and I took turns--he being the softy and trying to coax J into bed, and me being the stern one and trying to tell him enough was enough and it was bedtime now.

I'm not sure how it happened, but by 11:30, I was sitting in his room, in the dark, trying to get him to calm down by softly singing songs as he refused to be calm and tried instead to run around the room, ultimately resulting in several large collisions with wooden pieces of furniture. I will remind you that I am pregnant, and restraining a kicking, ballistic child is pretty difficult in my condition. I finally said another little prayer with him kicking and screaming in my arms, told him I was going to leave and not come back, and he had a choice--to stay in his nice, cozy bed with his pacis or to run around and be sad. Either way, I was not coming back in. I don't know if he really understood, but I did what I said, and he laid down and finally went to sleep at about midnight.

So there you have it. Don't brag about your kids. Unless you want a major meltdown on your hands.

Crazy

2010-11-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

Today I got my son out of the car at a random orchard and told him if he ran away I'd give him fruit snacks. He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I am.

My sister taught J to eat popcorn like a dinosaur. Methodology: Take popcorn in both hands and shove in mouth while growling. Do not pay any attention to popcorn that doesn't actually make it in.

Yup. We're all crazy here. And loving it.

The Waiting Game

2010-11-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

I had another doctor's appointment today. Now that I've reached 32 weeks, they are coming a lot more often. I wish they would do something more than just measure my belly with a tape measure and listen to the little guy's heartbeat. With J, they were worried he was going to be really small, so I got to see him a lot with extra ultrasounds and all that sort of fun jazz. There is no reason to worry about this guy, so I feel a little more in the dark. And does measuring my belly actually do any good? I know it does a little, but it seems like very little.

Only 8 weeks more to go. That sounds like a small amount of time. I've been reading up on labor again, just to feel a little more prepared. I don't feel much apprehension, but I am very curious about how everything will go this time. I've always been fascinated by labor and labor stories. I especially wonder how it will compare to the first time.

Here's the gist of my labor with J:
I was induced at 9pm.
Everything went well.
Active labor (When it actually started to hurt a bit) started at 12am-1am.
I got an epidural. I felt no more pain the rest of the time.
At 4:30am, he came, after about 15-20 minutes of pushing.
Again, no pain.
It was awesome.
He was beautiful.

This, of course, is not a very typical birth story for a first time birth. Easy peasy, no pain--heard about many of those? Nope. But having a son with a small head and weighing only 6.5 lbs must have helped.

This new buddy is measuring just a little on the large side of normal. He has appeared right on schedule in his ultrasound at 20 weeks. Most likely he will be a pound larger than his older brother. And my family traditionally has larger heads. What will this do to labor? I don't know. I was talking to my doctor about it today, and he was laughing and saying that most likely things won't go quite the same. Comforting, huh?

So I wait. I suppose that is the lot of all expecting mothers. But I'm excited to hold that new little baby in my arms.

Manic Monday

2010-11-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

I don't want to get up and work today. J and I spent the morning running errands and he and I were completely exhausted when we got home. But I have a couple bowls full of tomatoes and peppers from my garden, rescued before the frost, that need to be processed, a house that was neglected all weekend, and a list of projects that I want to complete.

I must say that last week I did a great job staying on task.

Our Halloween was nice. J only ended up trick-or-treating at his Grandma's work on Friday. On Saturday we went to my Grandma S's annual Halloween party where J got to experience his first pinata and fish pond. He loved them, but by the end of the party he came home feeling warm. Since Halloween night was rainy and cold, we decided not to take him trick-or-treating, even though he hasn't had any sign of sickness since. I'm hoping he stays that way.

I'm not missing the fact J didn't go trick-or-treating. There is too much candy in our house as it is. My main strategy for not eating too much junk--don't buy it! When it is around, like today, I eat it. Call it a lack of self-control (which it is), but my strategy works. At least I have self-control at the grocery store.

Besides that, we only had 2 groups of trick-or-treaters stop by at our house, so we have all that candy too. Like I said, way too much.

The guy at the paint store told me today that I shouldn't be painting since I am pregnant. But is it really better for a baby to inhale paint fumes after they are born? I ventilate my house well when I am painting, and I have mostly used low or no VOC paints. Just for your information.

Enough rambling. I need to get moving today.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

Love, our adorable little nerd.

Nesting

2010-10-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

Paint swatches on the nursery wall. I've decided on . . . none of these. That's progress, right?

I woke up this morning thinking somewhat obsessively about paint colors, including what color blue to paint my kitchen cabinets. I'm pretty sure B wouldn't be up for that though.

This past week I have tried to stay busy with my list of projects, as the knowledge that I only have 2.5 months left (or less) before this baby is here is starting to become a very real deadline. I started going through J's old baby clothes this week and that increased the sense of urgency. Those cute little blue footie sleepwear and nightgowns make me excited for that little one to come. They are so tiny! Babies are awesome.

And here is my list of things to do before that little squeaker gets here:

Nursery
Finish going through baby clothes
Pick a paint color
Get B to texture the 4th wall
Prep the walls for painting and tape off carpet
Paint the trim with both gripper and paint
Paint the walls
Figure out what I'm doing on the walls and do it

Upstairs Hall
Finish painting doorways
Pick a paint color for the walls
Paint walls

Other Home Projects
Research and buy sander
Sand down the top of J's door so it shuts

Random Craft Projects
Finish making J's Halloween costume
Try to finish art project for J's walls
Make my family stockings for Christmas
Knit scarf for Lulie
Knit scarf for Kiki (What, you guys didn't guess that's what you were getting yet?)
Refinish that train sitting in my garage for J

Plus Christmas
Pretty sure I don't want to list out what that means. That is probably just something that will work itself out as time goes along.

Please tell me this is just mild nesting. I guess you can see why I haven't been posting lately. I have a lot going on. :)

2010 Pumpkins

2010-10-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure he's adorable.

I grew those babies in my garden this year. The first sightings of pumpkins in fall make me just as giddy as the first spring flowers. J actually was interested in carving of pumpkins this year. Mostly because we had fake candles to go inside.

House in Progress

2010-10-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

We've been working hard on our house these past few months. While, as you will see from the pictures, we haven't figured out how to decorate all our rooms yet, we have been working on getting some of the larger, sweatier projects done so that when our new little guy gets here we will be able to settle in for a little while. Here are the 4 rooms that have undergone the largest transformations:

The office:

This room is north-facing, meaning it gets no direct sunlight. While the original dark brown wasn't a bad color, it didn't make the room a friendly place to be. I decided to go with a pale yellow. We don't currently have office furniture, but that will come someday. I also had to paint all the trim, since it was previously the same color as the walls.

J's new bedroom:

This room wasn't bad--just plain. The white walls are blue now, and the dark blue trim is white. I'm currently working on an art project for the walls. He's been doing great sleeping in his "big boy bed" in here!

The guest room:

This room was a horrible shade of peach. I don't think the before picture really does it justice. B and I found it pretty nauseating. We were so excited to paint it something neutral, and change that trim from peach! Proper bedding for the guest room is still forthcoming. But it already looks so much better.

The nursery:

I am the most proud of this one! The last of the horrible wallpaper just came down yesterday--one of the celebratory reasons for this post! Just in case you can't see the first picture, it had plaid on the top 3 feet of the room, a flowery border in the middle, and dark green and white stripes all over the rest of it. I am so glad that I am done. This transformation has taken the longest of all. I started it first and finished after all the other projects were done. I am now just working on finding a nice nursery paint color and figuring out some decorations for the walls! And that is much more fun than wallpaper removal! (Oh, and I guess one wall needs to be texturized, but that shouldn't be as big of a deal.)

We love our new house, and it is fun to see all the changes as they take place and as we make it our own!

Autumnal Pleasures

2010-10-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

The air is turning colder, and that means something that I love that usually only happens once a year:

The burnt dust smell that come from turning on the furnace for the first time.

Strange, isn't it, that I love it so? But I really do. It doesn't conjure up memories of cold coming like it does for most people. Instead, it makes me think of waking up on chilly California mornings when I was a little girl, and knowing that instead of having to brave the cold while changing, I would be cozy warm.

To me it's a smell of home and being comfortable. And the furnace was often on on Christmas morning with that smell. Since I grew up in a warmer climate, my parents could get away without turning it on all the time. But special occasions or unusually chilly mornings would warrant it.

While the smell definitely comes earlier now than it did as a child in California, I still love the memories it evokes. Even if I am now the one paying for the furnace bills.

Dear Buddy

2010-10-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

Your rosy cheeks and intense look at the end of the night of some serious birthday partying.

Mom and Dad and the Buddy in our animal party hats.

Yesterday wasn't your birthday, but it sure felt like it. We had all our celebration yesterday, culminating with a party with all your aunts and uncles and grandparents that were in town. I put you down for a nap that afternoon by laying you in your big boy bed and telling you about all the people who were coming that evening--all the people who love you and care about you. You nodded happily to each name as I mentioned them.

Here are some things that I want to remember about your 2nd birthday party:

Our funny little felt hats that we wore. You and Daddy both had owl hats (as per your recent obsession with them), and I was a mama bird. We even got all the people who came to your party to make their own hats.
Bryce and Katie didn't have wrapping paper, so they brought a tube of cars for you unwrapped and hid it in the living room. You found it early and came walking around the corner with the package, which was taller than you. Before it was unwrapped you pushed the whole tube along the floor like it was train.
You were so good opening presents! You opened up one, looked at it an appropriate length, and then moved on to the next. Cute kid. But my favorite was when you opened up the homemade, scrapbooked ABC book from Grandma R. and you didn't want to set it down, but started flipping the pages. You opened up to the G page, pointed to a picture of Grandma and pointed at her. I think it made her night that you were so excited about it.
You were also especially excited about all the cars and trains and tracks you got. We finally got you pulled away from them after 11:00pm, and even then it was hard. By the end of the night you had little rosy cheeks from all the excitement.
You certainly know how to blow out candles. We re-lit them about 10 times and continued to sing "Happy Birthday" every time and clapped and cheered as you blew them out again and again. I loved watching the excited faces of your aunts and uncles as they watched you. It wasn't just your mom and dad who got a kick out of watching you. They love you so much.
You had your own little cake that we let you just dig into with your fork. I think you liked that.
You entertained us all night! I don't think that many 2-year-olds are so good with so much attention and so charismatic. But, this is your Momma speaking, so I might be a little biased.

I wish I could tell you how loved you are, sweet boy. We all can't get enough of you. You are so lucky to be who you are in this family with so many people who dote on you so heavily. And Momma and Daddy love you like crazy too. You are our favorite, you awesome 2-year-old.

Love,
Momma

Things I Found Today While Reorganizing the Office

2010-09-29T16:38:00.001-07:00

a pair of sunglasses. B will tell you that I am notorious for losing pairs. Finding one is nothing near amazing.
a free guacamole coupon for Chipotle
58 stamps. That's not worth any money, is it?
the cap of a lamp that B has been wondering where it was for ages. He'll be especially happy about this one.

Those found items definitely make the cleaning/reorganizing project successful. And it's really almost clean! After the paint job, that room is finally starting to take shape into a happy room for happy projects.

Big Boy Bed

2010-09-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

Last night my Buddy J slept in his "big boy" bed for the first time. We put up the bed about 2 months ago and have just left it up to him if he wanted to sleep in it or not. We have gotten him in there for some naps, but no all-nighters yet. The luxury of doing it that way is there is less of a battle (I would think). I've also been informing him lately that when the baby comes, he will sleep in his new room and the baby will sleep in the crib. I don't know if he gets it or not, but he agrees with me when I tell him that.

Last night he decided he wanted to sleep in the big bed, so we let him. He jumped out of bed multiple times, called to us asking for drinks of water and to just get attention. Our doors are still off due to the recent paint job, and a baby gate is all that is keeping him in, so he knows we can hear him. But after continuing to put him back in bed, he finally rolled onto his side and went to sleep. Tonight he's in there again, since he fell asleep on the way home from grandma's and we decided to keep up the trend.

It seems like it's going pretty easy for such a transition, but we'll see. For nap-time today he was over-tired, which means he moves faster than normal and is less likely to stop long enough to sleep on his own. After he got out of bed multiple times during nap time I moved him into the crib. Baby steps are always good, huh?

Going Ons (With Pictures)

2010-09-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

Doors waiting to be painted

It's like magic!

I've had a painter over yesterday and today painting doors. 24 of them to be exact. When did I ever get old enough to have a house with 24 doors to paint? (Although, I will say, this house seems to be built to optimize door usage. They must have liked them.) They are all going to be white now, which makes us very happy. They used to be dark grey/blue, and a couple other various shades of cream. The dark blue is an all right color, but not for most of the doors and trim in my house. Soon, when I walk upstairs, if I have all my doors shut, as I often do to improve energy usage or keep my son from flushing toilets, I will not be met by a sea of darkness. Awesome.

Would this face say no? Let me give you another example.

Oh yeah. See those eyebrows at work.

I am finding out that an almost 2-year-old's favorite word is indeed no. Why is that so universal? It must be that desire to finally control your own life as much as possible that is so exciting. But isn't saying yes also controlling your destiny? I think so.

I am making felt hats for J's upcoming birthday party. Then the guests (who will all be family) will decorate them to look like an animal of their choice. Nothing like stretching felt dipped in glue over a melon and waiting for it to dry again and again and again. But I didn't want to buy more than one melon. I think one will work. Eventually.

My belly today. I really took that just so you could see. 25 weeks.

I am already feeling big this pregnancy. With J I don't remember feeling big. Maybe that's because everyone tried to tell me wasn't even showing with him when I clearly was. And this one is a wiggler. Which is fun and uncomfortable (and a little bit scary) at the same time.

The end.

Calm

2010-09-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

My life has a calm peacefulness about it now. I get to choose largely what I do and when I do it. J and I wake up in the morning, go down and eat breakfast, and then maybe sit and watch tv or play for a while before I get in the shower. Sometimes J chooses to get in with me, sometimes not, but either way I don't feel bad about taking a longer shower than I should. We usually aren't ready for the day until about 10:00 or 10:30, and it doesn't really matter.

J seems to have largely figured out what he is or isn't allowed to get into, and I don't have to worry about him as much anymore. He likes to play by himself, as long as I am nearby and he can show me what he is doing regularly. While he's getting more independent in his attitude--he likes to tell me no these days--that independence is largely refreshing. He's more fun to have around, more fun to watch, and he has a longer attention span, which is nice for when I need to get something done.

I still keep myself fairly busy. I have enough projects going on right now to keep me completely booked for a while. I have painted three rooms in my house, complete with trim. I have almost finished taking down the wallpaper in J's room/nursery, and I am in the middle of a couple of major art projects. But they are all projects of my own creation, and I love doing them.

I'm guessing it's the calm before the storm, but I'm grateful for the calm anyway. I'm 24 weeks pregnant with a very wiggly 2nd little boy, who is actually measuring on the large side. J was always small and I didn't feel him move a lot. This kid has actually been kicking/pushing hard enough to hurt already, which, considering he weighs only about 1 lb., is a little worrisome. Watch out, J! Even with all your energy you could still get a run for your money.

Nighttime Battles

2010-08-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I really dislike, it is getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Never been on my favorite list.

If there is one natural beauty that I have been enjoying more than anything lately, it is the smell that comes in my bathroom window at night. We always leave the tiny window open, and it gets a perfect night breeze that blows down off the mountain, full of this wet, earthy smell that is utterly heavenly. The world is quiet, and the mountains glow in the moonlight. I usually stand there for a couple seconds at the window, just drinking in the beauty and taking big whiffs of the smell. And last night it rained too, leaving the smell twice as pungent.

If there was something I hate even more than getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, it would be falling back asleep afterwards. Lately I've been dreaming non-stop at night, so my brain doesn't switch off at any time. It's still going a million miles a minute as I try to fall asleep, and if I've had crazy dreams, which I usually have, my thoughts tend to illogical reasonings. So I lay in the dark, listening intently to the creaks and cracks of my house, at a time when it should be silent, right? Until I have to forcibly convince myself that no one is in my house and I would hear them creaking up the old wooden stairs.

Sigh. And that's when I feel like a basket-case.

Thoughts

2010-08-25T16:16:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, I was listening to an old soundtrack of mine--Garden State. I haven't ever seen the movie, so I can't say anything for that, but the soundtrack has some nice mellow songs on it.

I was thinking of a time 4 1/2 years ago, over Christmas break. I had convinced my parents to let me paint the basement bathroom that was attached to my bedroom. (My dad is kind of particular about paint, so the fact that he let me pick a color and paint it myself was amazing.) I had chosen a bright, cheery yellow that was definitely welcome in the dark and windowless bathroom. I was listening to that CD as I painted.

Painting leaves you a lot of time for thinking. The past year had been a hard one for me. I had been getting over an old boyfriend, and some of the lyrics made me wonder if I ever would be over him entirely. I was hopeful. The yellow paint seemed to promise that something better was coming.

A friend called while I was painting just to see how my Christmas break was going. He and I had been working together in a church calling for the past four months, and we had consistently had a good time together as we were doing our duties. I remember that he laughed that I would choose to paint over my Christmas break, and we had a good time talking, as always.

Something better truly did come. I couldn't have known how wonderful it would be. I later decided that my friend was also the love of my life. Happy Anniversary, love. And many more wonderful years to come.

I've already picked out the perfect shade of yellow to paint the office.

J Update

2010-08-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

\]\]]]]]-00\O\\0]00-=]PPPPP\
-J

Story 1
On Memorial Day of this year, J and B and I went with my family on vacation to the lake. We stayed in a big house with everyone and had a great time. But while playing in the backyard, he (or someone else) noticed a fake owl perched on top of the roof. I assume it was there to scare away birds.

It did not seem to work on the birds, but it surely worked on J. He was terrified of that owl. At one point, someone decided to lift him up for a closer look to show him the owl was nice, and he went ballistic with fear. For a while after that, whenever we would see a picture of an owl, J would tell me "Owl. Not nice." He was even terrified of the pipes on our roof because he thought they might be owls.

I'm not sure how it happened, but that fear somehow turned to fascination. Gradually he began looking for owls. He found a fake owl in a tree on one of our walks around our neighborhood, and soon after we couldn't go on a walk or drive by it without him picking it out. He became obsessed. He started telling everyone that came over "An Owl. Whoo whoo!" (Not sure where he picked up the article. But he really does say "an.")

So B and I decided that this boy really needed an owl of his own. Isn't it nice when they are little and you can still spoil them without them knowing it? It arrived this week, and I can affirm to you that he does in fact like the owl. He feeds it his food, and we've taken it on a walk to "meet" the other owl, and it has gone to multiple stores with us already. I just hope that poor stuffed animal holds up for a while.

Story 2
I often let J get in the shower with me in the mornings. It may sound weird, but it's an easy way to get his bath in, and J loves to just play in the water. This morning I was showering, and he showed up at the shower door completely naked. Now, I know that he's capable of taking off his diaper, and pajama pants aren't much of a stretch. But shirt? I would have liked to see that.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find his discarded clothes when I got out until I asked him to show me. They were downstairs. Oh brother.

The Possibility . . .

2010-08-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

I've been rushing around this past week with my cute little sis, Luli. We decided to buy some of my mom's leftover girls camp crafts and make and sell bottle cap necklaces for the little city celebration going on last weekend. And then we also decided to make some zipper headbands, because, you know, we thought they'd sell well.

We had lots of fun making the necklaces and headbands, and we spent a good portion of last week working on the project.

I think both of us were just relieved that we at least came out even. Plus we made a little money. Not a lot, but that's fine. And they had our booth in the shade, which was wonderful.

As a result of having that project done, this week feels open with lots of possibilities! Especially since my wonderful, wonderful B cleaned the entire neglected kitchen for me last night. I tend to ignore things once they get really bad until they get really, really bad and it's not possible to ignore them any longer. The kitchen was sinking into that realm. Thanks to B I don't even have to start out today cleaning dishes! Hooray!

Plus, this week I get to spend time with a good friend of mine that is coming to visit, and I get to see the little babe that is kicking away inside of me!

Can a week start out any better?

. . . and a gratuitous picture of J lugging his rocks around. Because I can. :)

What happens when you eat blueberries off a high chair tray like a dog

2010-08-12T08:49:00.001-07:00

(and try to take pictures without a flash at night)

Blueberries: still one of J's favorite foods.
We still strip him down to eat them. The reason is obvious, right?
And before I touch him afterwards I give him napkins or rags to clean up the mess. I figure it at least saves some of my clothes.

Grumbles

2010-08-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

The sky has been more grumbly lately than I remember it being before. We've had about two straight days of on-and-off thunder storms. Really big electrical storms with lots of lighting and thunder that sounds like it's coming right towards us. My mother-in-law says that it's been like the sky has had the flu--grumble and dump. J has slept through the storms at night, but yesterday he woke up early from his nap shaking and crying from the thunder.

Last night I was having a grumbly day, like the sky. (Not to be confused with a flu day. I was not having that). So we went out to get some fast food to eat for dinner. We were going to go on a walk, but the clouds looked like they were about to explode again, so we sat on the porch and watched the lightning and counted until the thunder came, until J started to like the rumble-y sound.

The rain soon stopped, and we went on a little walk with one of the more beautiful sunsets I had seen in a while and beautiful pink mountains. Just a short one walk, though, because the clouds were ready to go again almost as soon as they had stopped.

The sky and I are both feeling better today.

Apricot Woes

2010-07-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

The problem with having a ripe apricot tree is figuring out what in the heck to do with all the apricots.

I've dried some.

I tried making fruit leather, until my mom's dehydrator decided to burn the leather and melt its own plastic. Isn't it meant to withstand the heat?

And I made jam. But if you buy the normal pectin at the store, did you know that there is twice as much sugar in apricot jam as there are apricots? The store I went to didn't even carry the low-sugar pectin.

It's deliciously ridiculous. But a little too sugary to make too much.

So if anyone has any other suggestions of what to do with apricots, I'd be much obliged.

Grey Eyes

2010-07-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

I've been noticing J's eyes lately. They are still blue, but they are no longer the blue blue blue that he had when he was a baby. They've been changing to a gray, like mine. (Although if you ask me, mine are green-gray, while his are still blue-gray.)

I guess he's not a little baby anymore.

My prediction last week was right on. The yelling of the word MAMA, with the connection that it actually got him somewhere has put him off in a whirlwind of trying out new words. He's been saying just about anything, surprising us with words clearly spoken like juice, owl, and keys (which sounds more like sheesh, but it's even cuter that way). He's even trying out phrases, such as "No bed," as he tried to push me off his big boy bed (he doesn't have an interest in sleeping in but he knows it is his and thinks it's a giant plaything), or "Bye Linds!" to my sister as we left my parent's house. I knew it wouldn't take that long for him to catch on talking once he figured out what it was good for.

I taught him about tip-toeing this last week and he picked it right up and has been tip-toeing his way all around the house.

He's been developing a sense of humor--sticking multiple pacifiers in his mouth and waiting for a response. He also giggles at funny little things--his dad singing the same line of the song over and over, or when anything happens to fall.

He's just starting to make-believe. Mostly by feeding his pacifiers or other bits of food to stuffed animals.

He's a good little kisser. He even decided to kiss all my grandma's statues and lawn ornaments as we left her house this week.

I think that in most posts like this the mom would now bemoan the fact that her little boy is growing, and that he's not a baby anymore, but I love the person he is becoming. And I don't wish him back to being a baby, even though he was the best of babies--so sweet and never fussy. I'm even more excited to see the little boy he will become. I'm excited to hear his first sentences and those thoughts that have been rolling around in that little head, cooking for the last 22 months. And I want to make-believe with him and be part of his stories. His little personality has been so delightful so far, that I just want to delve into it even further.

I love being his Mama.

Apricot Picking

2010-07-28T12:52:00.000-07:00

It must be summer. How else could you find such a scene? All those apricots I showed you earlier--well, they've ripened.

See those little apricots J snatched from the picking bag?

And the robin sitting on the telephone wire, totally annoyed that someone is interested in the tree that he calls home?

There certainly are a lot.

And this boy couldn't be happier.

At least he's eating those instead of the unripe grapes he insists on picking and eating daily.

Marco . . .

2010-07-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

J and I seem to have started a new game. It goes kind of like this:

J: MAMA!
Me: Yes, J?
J: MAMA!
Me: I'm [insert place here, such as upstairs, doing laundry, etc.]
J: MAMA!
Me: J
J: MAMA!

You get the point, huh? I think he just likes having the power that he can say something and get me to respond all the time. And the game doesn't seem to get old to him. Maybe it will encourage him to talk more?

Inheritances

2010-07-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

With marrying, there comes along certain inheritances--you know the kind, I'm sure--little quirks that you get to pass along to your family whether you like it or not. I'm happy to say that with B there are relatively few. But the one I hate the most is croup.

Have your kids ever croup? I don't think most kids do. Out of my 7 siblings, I don't think one of us ever had it once. It's just some ancient disease that I only heard about in Anne of Green Gables. But in B's family, it was common. A scary part of life that B's mom got to deal with over and over again. If you haven't had it, thank your lucky stars, and then I'll tell you about it. It's this cough that sounds like a bark, caused by the closing of your voice box. Usually it's just because you have a simple cold or virus, but although with some kids it goes to their lungs, etc., with his family it goes to their voice box. Who knows why. But if the voice box closes too much, it can make it hard or even impossible to breathe. Of course it only really strikes at night.

B had it so bad as a kid that one time the doctor berated his mom for waiting so long to come to the hospital, otherwise she might have lost him. And when she decided to stay overnight, he got so bad so quickly, if she hadn't stayed, B wouldn't still be here.

J got croup while we were in France last November. Boy, was that scary. We can't even pronounce the language, we were in rural France where fewer people speak English, and we don't know how we would find a hospital if we had needed one. We didn't sleep much that night. We kept the shower running a steam (even though cold steam is better) and tried to keep his fever down. The next day he was up and running again, just like normal.

Sunday night, he got it again. I think it was a little cold that did it to him this time, but after hearing his anxious, belabored breathing, I decided to just take him into the emergency room before it got any worse. Of course he was much better by the time he saw the doctor, and he's been fine since, but I'd be okay if I never have to deal with croup again.

Probably won't be the case, but here's for hoping!

Pregnancy Amnesia

2010-07-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

It's already kicking in. With J, I tried to pretend it didn't affect me, when it so totally did. But after almost missing the second of only two things I had going on this week, even after multiple reminders, I'm convinced I'm in the throes of it yet again.

And as someone who has never really kept a written calendar, it is highly inconvenient.

Lazy Summer Afternoons

2010-07-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

Summer has been so nice. I sat on my mom's outdoor chaise chair today, watching J in the late afternoon light in the lush green of my parents' backyard. He was sitting on the slide that we had turned in to a water slide for him with the hose, talking away in lovely gibberish. The sun outlined his hair, giving him a golden halo while bits of cotton from the trees floated through the air.

I thought about getting up and grabbing a camera to capture the moment, but I knew that if I got up, J would move and the moment would be gone. So I just sat and enjoyed the scene and responded to his "talking" the best I could.

I love summer afternoons and evenings.

*Sorry for the long blogging hiatus. I think Hawaii must have loosened me up? I'll be catching up soon.

Hawaii

2010-06-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

Maybe this is why I've been so relaxed about posting since I came back from Hawaii.

That picture is seriously awesome. How much better can it be to lay on a gorgeous beach in the perfect sunshine and not worry about your little guy at all? I fell asleep this day listening to the sound of the waves and had a very nice nap.

Plus, there was this handsome dude.

I usually didn't look this good, since I was in and out of the water, but this was they day we went and saw the volcanoes, so I look pretty good that day. We stopped at the black sand beach on our way back. It was gorgeous.

This is what I looked like most of the time. Silly hat, hair thrown back, sans makeup. But I didn't care in the least. And do you notice the slightest little beginning of a baby bump? Probably not, but it's there! Baby number 2 is coming to our house in January!

(That might explain my lack of posts more than Hawaii relaxing me.)

Leaving

2010-06-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow B and I get the wonderful opportunity to go to Hawaii. B's dad has a time share and has generously invited his kids to go, housing free of charge. We are really excited to be on an adventure in such a beautiful glorious place. And we should see volcanoes!

But today I am thinking about the things that we will be leaving:

This little arbor that B has recently developed into this below.

Now the roses wrap around the arbor and the hazardous (at least to J), decrepit little bridge-over-nothing is gone, replaced with pavers and sand that were elsewhere in our yard.

And this lovely room :) that I am in the middle of tearing apart.

Doesn't it already look a lot lighter in there? The old wallpaper, though guests always tried to convince me wasn't too bad, really didn't fit in in a nursery. And that's what this room shall be.

All my baby plants in the garden. Pumpkins have always been my favorite.

The apricots that hopefully have been thinned enough. I've only removed thousands. At least it feels like it. Although in all seriousness, I would estimate the real number at only one thousand tiny apricots removed. It was ridiculous how much this tree is/was producing. What in the world am I going to do with that much fruit come harvest time?

And this little sweetheart, who will be enjoying the attention of his grandparents and aunts and uncle, and probably won't miss us at all. But we will miss him terribly. I can't think about it too much.

See you next week!

A Day at the Lake

2010-06-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend B and I were extremely brave (or at least that's what if felt like) and took the Buddy on a 6 hour drive of a vacation and a day at the lake. And it turned out great! The life jacket that J had totally rejected on shore was just fine to wear on the boat. The car ride was fine with a little Finding Nemo on my laptop (this boy loves his fish). And we had a great time!

We started out by parking on the shore and letting J throw rocks in the water. An instant hit! Plus there were unlimited rocks and little risk of him jumping in scary water!

Sitting with Grandma on the shore. Some of us went for a little boat ride and left Grandma, Julsie (my sis), and J on the shore. When we came back the three of them were sitting comfortably up to their waists in water.

I was so happy to get a picture of his "I don't know" pose. Sometimes he pretends he can't find his belly button for a minute and will do this, then pull up his shirt delightedly and say "Der Dis!" (There it is!)

Waving the flag for Dad the fallen skier.

Just watchin'.

The sleepy boy at towards the end of the day. He fell asleep as we were driving back to the dock.

Designing Announcements

2010-05-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've been designing this wedding invitation for my cute cousin Aimee. I fuzzed out the details, but here are the front and the back.

Another Thing I love about My House: The Garden

2010-05-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

J ate a PB&J for breakfast this morning. It was really messy. He decided to take it outside.

The Pb&J came with him. In his jammies.

I was okay with it, because I wanted to take some pictures of the garden to show you. It's through that trellis there.

Ta da! I spent a lot of Saturday digging rows and putting in the seeds. I'm pretty proud of it. Luckily the past owners were big gardeners, so they have really good dirt back here. Not so in the rest of the yard. It's all rock and I can't get my shovel in an inch. Here, though, I was able to till it with a shovel. Isn't it such a nice spot, under that old, old, apricot tree?

And here's a huge, lovely rhubarb under the apple tree. What in the heck am I supposed to do with that much rhubarb? It's only really good for a few desserts and maybe to add into some jams, right? And we're not even sure that we really like rhubarb. But I like the look of it.

It is so nice to start spring off with a garden. I have missed not being able to just dig in the dirt and pull weeds these past few years. That's actually something I really enjoy. Even better is that this yard has lots of nice wildlife--like hundreds of worms in that garden soil and big red-breasted robins that hop through my garden rows. I love it!

To all the Mommies

2010-05-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

My own sweet Momma with baby J.

I was looking today at the single rose my church ward gave the women on Mother's Day. It came with a little bag of chocolates, a bookmark, and a quote about the importance of mothers. It was by far one of the more generous offerings I have received at church (Chocolate and flowers? Awesome.), but as I looked at it today against the panes of my rainy window, I thought, "How is a rose supposed to make up for all that mothers do?"

I gave my mom a bowl of lilacs with a card and a promise for more flower bouquets from my yard throughout the year. How does that compensate for days like yesterday when we hung out at her house all day because my son and I were both sick with colds, and how when I put my over-exhausted son down for a nap and he just cried, how my mother went and rubbed his feet and calmed him when I felt unable to do any more?

We took my mother-in-law out to dinner on Saturday and B sang her a mother's song Sunday evening. She loved it. But how does that make up for years of living through trials so that my husband could have the best life possible, even though it could not ever have been easy?

I guess the answer is that it doesn't. It couldn't. And we never can repay our parents for what they have done. People say that we humans are selfish animals, but through serving our families I can't figure out how that is possible. How could being on call 24 hours a day on call for every tear or need, or living without other joys for the sake of our children be selfish?

My sweet husband didn't pick his first or even second choice of career because he knew that he wanted a family some day, and he also knew that those other choices would not support his future wife and family as well, or give him the time he felt was adequate to spend with them. He works every day. For me. For J. And I would guess that he wouldn't be working so hard if he hadn't always known he wanted us. I think a lot of people make choices like that. Even if they don't yet have a family, they are already giving up a lot in order to make that future family more of a success.

I am grateful for the human spirit, for mothers and for fathers, for all that they do for me, for my husband, for all the families out there. I am glad for the secret that by giving all, that by being willing to share every moment with someone else, we find life in its fullest measure. We become more than ourselves, and we have immeasurable joy.

Where's Waldo?

2010-05-07T08:20:00.001-07:00

No, that wasn't taken in the 80's. Just last night.

Normal Britney . . .

Uhh, yeah. Not normal.

Last night the youth group in our new ward (or church congregation) had an Where's Waldo activity where different members of the ward dressed in disguises and wandered Wal-Mart. The kids had booklets with all of our pictures in it and they had to look through the store until they found us. They were supposed to ask us "Is the sun shining in Denmark?" to which we were to reply "No, it's raining New England clam chowder." Silly, I know. We usually just ended up telling them it was raining some kind of soup.

B had considered actually dressing up like Waldo, but then decided that wouldn't really be a disguise--he would just stick out like a sore thumb. I decided the best disguise was to look like I could be normal. I'm embarrassed to say that those jeans were found in my closet. (Did my mom buy them at the thrift store and pass them along? I'm not sure.) The picture doesn't do it justice. Total Mom Jeans. You should have seen the back of those high-waisted suckers. But then that would include a butt shot, and no one likes that. :)

B kept laughing at me every time he got a fresh glimpse of me. My favorite quote of his last night: "I'm glad I'm not married to this you all the time."

B ended up just trying to look grungy. He had a hard time looking bad enough to be with me, mostly because the collection of striped polo shirts he has accumulated don't really make one look any different that another. He ended up finding one worn shirt he never wears at the bottom of the drawer, but he still didn't look that bad.

The kids ended up all finding us (I think). It was a fun night to meet some of the people in our new ward, but my favorite part was the smiles I got from the other Wal-Mart patrons who didn't know I had on a disguise. . . .

Things I Love about My New House: A Sandbox

2010-05-05T14:28:00.001-07:00

J has a sandbox to enjoy now—and I must say that I enjoy it almost as much. We sat outside this morning, smelling of sunscreen, enjoying the bright morning light and the dirty, grimy sand. I was thinking about how in 2nd and 3rd grade, we would have sandcastle-building contests on the playground, and how the team I was the leader over (or so I thought) would usually build the largest sand castle. At least that's what I remember.

So today I built myself a big ol' sandcastle, which I also let my son sit on. I hope to have more mornings like this.

We Made It!

2010-05-03T13:58:00.002-07:00

See B up there? He's unlocking our home's front door for the very first time!

May 1, 2010, we moved into our home. I am so glad to be here. B woke me up this morning by opening our master balcony door to let in the fresh morning air and listen to the birds outside in our trees. There was a little owl somewhere in the distance and there were robins hopping in the yard. It was wonderful.

I am still getting used to all the new creaks and groans in a new house. The first night it took me a while to fall asleep, but I am already becoming more and more used to my house.

Moving day went pretty smoothly. We paid a couple of movers to carry everything out of our 4th floor apartment to the truck, and it was money well spent. B and I were able to finish packing odds and ends and clean up the house as they went, so by the time the had taken everything down, we were also ready to check out of our apartment. When we arrived at our house, we had a large group of family, friends, and new neighbors join us to unpack the truck, and it was all cleared in about 45 minutes.

My sweet grandma brought over pizza to celebrate and feed the movers, and my mom and sisters unpacked my kitchen while I crashed on the couch. Moves are so much easier when you live by family! When I was unable to go any further, they just carried me the rest of the way. My mom and mother-in-law watched J during and after all the excitement so we wouldn't have to worry about him being in the way. My kitchen, J's room, and a variety of other things were unpacked by the the time my family left that night. Besides that, they packed out several loads of cardboard boxes so we would still have trash can space for the rest of the week. I already feel mostly moved in! I am so grateful for family and friends who love me and are willing to serve me.

We are dreaming of paint colors and a full garden and renovations in the coming years. But right now we are just glad to be home.

It's Official . . .

2010-04-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

The loan has funded, the deal is closed, and we are now homeowners! It still doesn't seem real. We move in on Saturday, so hopefully the truth will sink in soon and give me some adrenaline, because I still have a lot of packing to do.

I am excited to get to work on the inside of the house, and to buy a nice lounge chair to sit outside on the summer days that are coming while my buddy plays outside. I'm excited to take down wallpaper and pick new paint colors and plant a garden. I'm mostly excited to just have a place I can really make a home. I've lived in 5 apartments since I've been married, and I'm glad not to be moving into another temporary home.

I will definitely post pictures soon.

Britney out.

5 Things I'm doing Instead of Blogging

2010-04-22T08:17:00.001-07:00

1. Packing. Did I mention I hate packing now? I used to think packing was the good part and unpacking the worst. Now I think I've grown to hate both.

2. Collecting boxes. I am finally getting a small collection, but it hasn't been easy.

3. Listening to the Buddy talk. He doesn't really talk, but just "talks." He carries on intent little conversations with you if you respond back with whatever seems appropriate at the moment. Totally unintelligible. And so cute.

4. Cooking with my mom. We just started a cooking blog for her obsession with using healthy grains in her food. She makes the food, I write it up, and J and I eat a lot of it. I'll give you the link when we get some of the basics going on it. It needs a little more work before going public.

5. Seeing spring pop out! I thought spring here in the desert might be disappointing this year, after living in the wet, flowering garden of eden for the last two years. But I didn't think about how that also makes the change even more dramatic. It is surprising and thrilling me. I am so excited for my own yard with it's flowers and fruit trees this summer.

image

To the Cuteface:

2010-04-22T08:13:00.001-07:00

Dear Buddy,

If I could choose a where and how to get my pants dirty, it would definitely be just above the knee with peanut butter and jelly.

Love,
Momma

House Tours

2010-04-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

We got to go see our new house for the second time last night. We had an inspection done to make sure that we weren't getting ourselves in over our heads with repair work. Overall, it passed! There were a couple of issues, but nothing that can't be taken care of. The foundation is good, and our wonderful inspector even told us that he really liked the house. He was even trying to buy our garbage compactor off us. :)

We also had the chance to meet a little bit with the owners. They were sooo nice to us! They are even giving us their dining room set (including the hutch), their dryer, and the bench that she called "our first couch." It was fun to chat with them and learn about the plants in our new yard. Apricot tree, Italian plum, cherry, apple, and a baby peach tree, as well as an herb garden, peonies, and what I suspected was a hedge of lilacs truly is! I can't wait for spring!

It was also just great to see the house again. The original pictures weren't very good, so it was nice to be back there and see how big the kitchen actually is, that room isn't as long as I remembered, etc. In all, I came home very excited. A well built house, nice owners, a gorgeous yard! What more could I ask for!

The unfun part—moving—comes at the end of the month. But I'm still so excited!

Today's Going to Be a Good Day

2010-04-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

I was reading today in the scriptures about how if we choose to do things that are evil, we will become evil, and if we choose to do things that are good, we will become good. I love that fact.

Whether or not you are religious, isn't it nice to know that you can choose what you will become? If I wanted more than anything in my life to become a writer, I believe I could work at it all the time and become a writer. But if I want to prioritize first that I am a wife and mother (which I do), then I will first choose to do things that will help fulfill those roles. Other things I desire to do must be carefully balanced with the main desires of my heart.

I have always liked the idea that I will create my destiny. It gives me a great sense of purpose and awareness as I choose my deeds through the day. Because ultimately, life isn't about the things that we do, it's about what we become. And what we become is shaped by what we do. It's this great, crazy cycle that makes me feel so good. I can choose what I become because I can choose the little things that I do each day!

Life isn't easy, and there are definitely some days that I feel more inspired by this thought than others—I mean, cum'on, there are certainly some days I am just trying to get through—but I am ultimately who I choose to be. A good mom or not, a loving wife or not, a soul progressing through learning of skills or one stagnant in growth, and even positive or not.

And that's a beautiful thing.

Dancin' Dude

2010-04-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

I've tried to get a video of this for a while, but it always seems like when the camera comes out, the dancing stops.

J dances a lot. Yesterday it was some chocolate that my sister Jules gave him that set him going for a while. Sometimes he just gallops. B's mom and sister and brother-in-law were over the other night and J was dancing when they cheered for him, so I finally got a decent video. It's not his best dancing moment, but it's by far the best video I've gotten in the last 6 months, despite the poor quality.

Love that kid.

18 Months

2010-04-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

J and I went to his 18-month check-up on Friday, and this little guy has finally made it to 20 lbs.! I was so excited that I turned the car seat around in the parking lot, much to J's confusion. But I think it's a hit! I now can point out things we are passing by, and when I look back (when stopped, of course), I get to see this cute little face.

So far, I've stopped giving him his pacifier in the car, because it is so easy to distract him. One more step closer to pacifier independence.

A House to Call Home

2010-03-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

Did you have a nice weekend? I did. I bought a house.

Yup, a big, old, beautiful, grandma house. Here it is:

When B first showed me the pictures, I tried to talk him out of it. The picture showed corners of rooms rather than rooms and there was plentiful wallpaper to be found. He still thought it looked nice, mostly because of the great yard and price per square foot.

So I told my mom (our agent), that B wanted to go see it. And then I proceeded to tell her what I thought was wrong with it. She didn't want to go take us to see it either. But B still wanted to, so we went.

And we fell in love. It's old and too big, but the old owner is a professional artist, and you can see the detail and artistic eye that went into the house, even if it is dated. The yard is beautiful, and the mountain views from the house are enough to make me happy.

So we sent in a low offer and were surprised that they accepted it on Monday! We are dealing with all the emotions that probably always come with purchasing a new home. Very excited, a little nervous, and a teeny bit worried that we are making a wrong decision on all the minutia--is a 7-year arm or 30-year fixed better?--and not at all looking forward to packing up for the third time in 8 months.

But it's really exciting. :)

Blessed

2010-03-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

I was looking at this little dude today and was struck by how lucky I am. I get to be this boy's Momma. It's one of those blessings that is so big that if nothing else good ever happened to me again, I would still be blessed beyond measure. I get to be his mother. I am entrusted with his life, learning, and well-being. Such a glorious thing.

And he's such a cute little stinker.

Ta Da!

2010-03-25T09:07:00.000-07:00

I finally found my camera cord to show this to you. (How does that always end up lost?) I am very proud of this dress. I can sew something that is not a straight line!

Also, yesterday I mapped out what will take place in the first seven chapters of my book. Hooray!

And it's not even 9am yet

2010-03-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

That was a new box of Cherrios.

Dream the Impossible Dream

2010-03-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and I am feeling motivated to accomplish the things I have always wanted to accomplish. I know I am probably a little late on that bandwagon, but I am here and it feels so good.

The Alchemist is a story of a young boy who has a dream (literally, not just the dreams of heart like I have), and he gives up all he has to see it come to fulfillment. While I don't agree with all the theology presented in the book, it has given me a lot of time to think about the dreams that I have and actually taking action. Here are my dreams.

1. Become a published YA/children's author.

This is the big one. The big, fat, really hard, really intimidating dream that I have, that I insist on believing in even though I currently do basically nothing to work on it. Nevertheless, I have a good start. I have been a book editor, I have taken courses on children's writing, and I also worked as an intern at a children's magazine where I had some short stories and activities published. Besides that, from my days as an editor, I am listed as an author or editor on 5 books. Cool, huh? Except they still don't really fulfill my dreams. Books written because you have to don't count as writing you feel good about. I want to publish a chapter book for young readers that I have really put my heart into.

2. Learn Portuguese.

I won't go into the reasons of why this is a dream here. It's more like I feel like I need to learn it rather than I would love to. I don't like learning languages. I find it frustrating and slow. I took Spanish for 4 painful semesters in college, and I won't tell you how many times I ended up in tears by the end of class, or scored roughly 17 out of 70 on my tests. But I feel compelled to study Portuguese, and although I hated Spanish, I am grateful for it because of the head start it gives me in Portuguese.

So. . . .

Here's what I'm going to do: I am making a goal to work on one of these dreams daily for five days each week. You, my dear readers, will stand as my witness. I know that it will be helpful if I can report to you of my progress, slim though it may be. I'm not sure how yet, but I will keep you as my conscience that I will do it. Today I studied Portuguese, and on Saturday I sat down and wrote! Moving forward feels so good!

I also want to challenge you to do something similar. What dreams do you have? Maybe you want to expand or even learn a skill, or maybe you have always wanted to publish quilt patterns like my friend at A Little Bit Biased. (She's doing it! She's worked hard and had the courage to start, which is often half the battle.) Or maybe it's more of a goal that you need to start taking the steps to make it happen. If you do accept this challenge, leave me a note about it, or write about it on your blog and give the link to me. Having others along on this journey will make it easier to stay motivated!

Best of luck to you! (and me!)

It's Going, Going, . . . Gone!

2010-03-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

3
unfortunate pacifiers, dropped in the toilet

2
luckier ones who made it out

1
that was flushed, to be seen no more

Apparently the trick is to flush it and then throw it in. I'm still just glad that he has only thrown in pacifiers up to this point. My little sister flushed my mom's wedding ring and expensive watch once upon a time. So it definitely could be worse. Toilet security is being heightened at our house.

Family Meals

2010-03-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

Image from laaloosh.com

I went to a class with my mom last night that she thought was supposed to be about nutrition but ended up being about the importance of family meals. It was interesting to learn that having 5+ family meals a week lowers all sorts of childhood problems like obesity, drugs, early sex, depression, and eating disorders by about 50%. It's incredible that this one thing can make such an enormous difference.

All the while I was sitting there thinking about the lack of meals my family actually eats at the table, and realizing that if I made more of an effort, we would probably eat more fruits and vegetables and enjoy the time together, even if J isn't really old enough to get the full benefit yet. I was thinking about how much work I would have to do, and was a little discouraging. I am not good at consistency, or even just turning off the tv when dinner time comes around.

At the end, a woman got up and thanked the speaker, noting that she wished she could go back and raise her family all over again with what she knows now. And in that moment I had a little change of heart. I can do it now. I don't have to lament days past. It won't be easy to change, but I actually have the opportunity to be better now. And isn't that a beautiful thing?

Time Out

2010-03-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

I instigated time-out today for the first time ever. This is about how well it went over:

The pitiful face of J.

J has recently decided that throwing food on the floor is a good way to go, and I don't agree. This morning he broke a plate full of applesauce because he just didn't want it. So by the time he started throwing cereal that he had asked for on the floor for a unknown angst, I decided I had had enough of it. I've been struggling on what to do about this. I mean, how do you discipline a 17-month old?

Luckily, my neighbor had just mentioned last night that they had started having time-outs for their daughter by picking her up and holding her in their lap for a little while. She must have been inspired, because I needed that tip today! I picked J up, sat down, and held him on my lap with his arms against his sides while he wailed. For about 15 seconds. Then I kissed him and set him back down by his cereal. We proceeded to go through this pattern about 3 or 4 times—throw food, time out, set back down. Finally he seemed to get the idea.

At least, I'm hoping that's why he stopped. I'd like to think my forays into parenting are actually bringing about a little success.

Up to?

2010-03-04T14:50:00.000-08:00

This is what I've been up to this week:

I went with my mom and J to the Dinosaur Museum . . .

Here he is at the erosion table. He couldn't reach the water and sand easily, but he loved it anyway.

. . . and the farm.

J loved the animals, even to the point of wanting to crawl in the corral with the horses. We had to stop him multiple times. Kind of funny for a boy who is sometimes scared of stuffed animals. The Shrek stuffed doll at my parent's house brings him to tears.

I've been sewing my dress. I got it to fit! And I sewed the zipper! Major accomplishments. I think I might even finish it this weekend. Stay tuned for pictures.

And I've been trying to figure out if it is winter or spring. It's currently snowing, but it was also supposed to be almost 50 degrees today. But the promise of spring is definitely in the air. The cold days are getting farther and fewer between.

I hope so. I'm ready for spring.

Cuddly Buddy

2010-03-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

The Buddy, still asleep this morning at 10:45. I still haven't hung the pictures in his room.

J still wakes up in the middle of the night at times. The 4:00am wake-ups do not do anything happy for my spirit. But sometimes he wakes up at about midnight, as I am laying in bed trying to go to sleep. I love it when he wakes up then.

Normally it's a quick fix--he's lost his paci (pacifier) and just needs a little of his mom. I cuddle my normally wiggly boy against me and sit down in the little green chair in his room, my head leaning down against his soft hair. He relaxes and falls asleep, comforted.

Sometimes I sit there in the dark just a little longer to cuddle my baby.

The Deer Named Steve

2010-02-23T18:03:00.000-08:00

I went to my mom's this afternoon to work on a dress that I am attempting to sew. I say attempting because it is the first article of clothing I have ever made (not counting the ugly men's shirt and hideous shorts that I made in clothing class in high school. Why do sewing teachers pick such awful patterns?). I am still hoping it turns out.

Anyway, this afternoon, three of my sisters arrived home at about the same time. Hilarity ensued. Here is just a sampling of quotes from the afternoon.

"Mom, your tulips are having a malfunction." (Luli)

"I didn't kill it. I just maimed it." (Jules)
"You named the deer that you hit?" (Luli)

"You just need to adjust the bust." (Nannie--talking about the bust of my dress that is too big. Jules lost the water she was drinking on this one.)

"Jules, Britney didn't think they'd pick us for What Not to Wear. She's kind of a Johnny Raincloud." (Mom)

Ahh. I love living close to these crazies. :)

No Shampoo Update

2010-02-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

This weekend I tried washing my hair with a little baking soda mixture, and guess what! It got rid of all the ickyness that my hair was developing. Totally clean! All of the websites recommended baking soda followed by vinegar, but I hadn't tried it because at first the vinegar was working great. It made me feel so much better!

I know, this is a weird experiment. Not wash my hair?!??! Crazy.

But here's for hoping it will actually work. . . .

Confession Time

2010-02-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

Today, February 19, 2010

So, I have not washed my hair with shampoo since January 28. That's a little over 3 weeks.

I haven't been doing nothing to it. But just diluted Apple Cider Vinegar rinses and maybe a little conditioner. I am falling victim to the No 'Poo movement. (Isn't that an unfortunate name?) Have you heard much about it?

When J was born, I realized that every time I washed his hair with shampoo, he would get red bumpy skin on his cheeks, legs, and arms. Even when I washed with Burt's Bee 99.9% natural stuff. In his little 6-month picture that I had taken, he has little rosy cheeks because I gave him a bath too close to getting the picture taken. So I stopped using shampoo on his hair, or even soap on his body. I even checked with his doctor about it, and he told me there was no need for shampoo until he was out rolling around in the dirt.

And he's done great without it. He still takes a bath almost every day, and he has beautiful, full, clean hair. I really don't usually even make sure it is rinsed. If it gets wet, great, if not, that's fine too. Even if I put mousse in it, it's still fine.

Need proof?

After doing a bit of research, I found a little information about the no shampoo movement. Is shampoo really just a big conspiracy? I'm not usually one for all the going natural stuff, unless it makes my life easier and/or cheaper. And this promised both, plus even healthier hair. I mentioned it to my mom, and she started shampooing her hair just once a week with vinegar washes in between. And her hair looks great.

I'm finally becoming convinced. I'm told that there is a waiting period before your hair gets used to not having it's oil stripped every day, but it hasn't been too bad. Especially since I have always been someone who had to wash my hair every day or it would look awful. Here's what my hair looks like after 3 weeks of no shampoo:

Yeah, it doesn't look great, but I've had far worse hair days after not washing it for 48 hours. It does feel a little heavier and gunkier right now than it used to, but I'm hoping all its oil-producing goodness will even itself out in the next month. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

(In case you haven't noticed, I've reinstated comments on my blog posts. Let me know what you think!)

The Birthday Book

2010-02-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday, Valentine's Day, was my birthday. I spent the weekend going out to dinner with my hubby, hanging out with the Buddy and my family. I feel so blessed to have them so close. It has been hard to move this past year away from so many good friends, but having family near is truly the reason we decided to make the change.

My family has this wonderful tradition where everyone else writes a little note to the birthday person. My birthday notes are kept in a sweet little book full of compliments, best wishes and love. This is one of my favorite birthday traditions that my mom has started. We used to go around the table at dinner and say them out loud, but this was always like pulling teeth for my mom to get anyone to say something meaningful.

I like the little book better. That way I can keep the messages forever. I even have a little note from B from 4 years ago when we had just started dating. That night was the first time he had met my family, and we were still in the new stages of dating, when you aren't sure if your relationship is going to continue or die in flames.

I also love the notes from my brothers and sisters. They thank me for things I didn't know made a difference to them, and it makes me feel good, that maybe I am doing things to love them even though I might not always realize it. It makes me feel special and want do even more for them.

I guess that's why we celebrate birthdays, right? To make the one turning older feel loved? That's one of the reasons I love having a birthday on the day the world celebrates love.

President's Day

2010-02-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

No house for you!

(In the words of the soup nazi.)

The other offer was higher. I'm not feeling too disappointed. I believe there must be something better out there for us.

And, because the editor in me cannot resist:

Have a happy President's Day!

(comma picture from Dweebist.com)

Still Waiting . . . . ?

2010-02-12T17:01:00.000-08:00

Apparently when people get two offers on their house, they think they have lots of time to sit around. They think that we will wait for them to take their own time (because we will.) So they want until Saturday evening to make a decision.

So now I'm trying to convince myself that it's just not going to happen. Less hopes = less antsyness.

The Waiting Game

2010-02-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

We made an offer on a house last night. We saw it on Saturday and were planning to see it again later this week, but when my mom (our lovely agent) called to set up a showing, we were told that an offer was coming in last night. We hustled to finish a competing offer last night as well, upping the ante on what we had been planning to spend. I was really nervous and uptight yesterday while we were making decisions on what to offer, but today, the waiting game doesn't have me going crazy like yesterday did. We'll hear back by tomorrow morning! Maybe we will have a new house for Valentine's Day!

Wish us luck!

Vermin and Fowl

2010-02-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

B and I grabbed turkey (fowl) sandwiches on our way into "Fantastic Mr. Fox" (vermin). No time to eat them, so all 8 inches a piece came in with us to the movie. We tried to sneakily eat them through the trailers and beginning of the show. Mr. Fox (vermin) and his friends (also vermin) outsmarted farmers (neither) to get their fowl. One of the best, and funniest movies we've seen in a while. Gotta love those dance scenes.

After the movie, we went to McDonalds for a little sweet snack, where we laughed at one of the items prominently displayed on the menu—"50 Chicken Nuggets for $9.99" (fowl)—until we realized from the 10 packets of sweet and sour sauce that the 4 teenaged kids in front of us were ordering that very thing, along with french fries and a fruit smoothie. Laughed harder as we watched them waddle out like they had just eaten Thanksgiving dinner. We figured that if the girl had eaten 9 nuggets, which is a pretty healthy amount considering the fruit smoothie was hers, then the boys must have had about 14 nuggets a piece. 14!

Driving home, a very unfortunate vermin crossed our path--a skunk. What could we do but laugh as we realized the seriousness of the situation and the stench that was filling our car.

It was a jolly night.

A Night with the Buddy

2010-02-04T20:08:00.001-08:00

B has been working late to finish up the end of the year reports, so J and I spent the night together. I realize that these things are ordinary, but these little things are the things that make up life, and I write to remember.

Another day, when the first thing J wanted to do after waking up from a nap was do the dishes.
Notice the bedhead and seriousness of the situation. This is not child labor. :)

First, we did the dishes, at the Buddy's request.

Then, we ate. J ate lots of grapes and yogurt and edamame—one of our favorites. J starts eating the yogurt with a spoon, and does quite well, but then dislikes the speed of the situation, so goes in with five fingers.

We played with stuffed animals next. I made the animal sounds. J "talked" to them and growled at all of them. Don't you know that all of them make a bear sound, mom?

We made nachos and cookie dough and watched TV.

It was great.

I love this thing called mothering. It's hard sometimes to put my computer away, because this thing is definitely addicting, but it always is worth it. I love how the little guy gets me to clean my house, I love his little growl, and I love that he is learning so much.

When we went to J's 6-month check-up, we found that his head size had gone from being small, to being substantially under the growth chart size. What followed worried B and I a lot. J got a CT scan, and we made an appointment with the craniofacial specialist at the children's hospital. The doctor told us that he would probably always have a small head. Technically, he has microcephaly (which basically just means an abnormally small head), even though it didn't appear to come with the usual physical and mental deficiencies that it usually does. Most kids that have microcephaly have major disabilities, and the doctor told us that he couldn't foresee if J would have some learning disabilities as well in the future, although they would probably be minor. Maybe trouble with reading, maybe math, maybe nothing—he didn't know.

I must admit this worried me a lot. A 6-month-old is so little, with so much ahead of him. He seemed normal, but what if he wasn't? Would I be up for the challenge of helping this boy?

I still don't know what the future will bring. Of course, nobody does. So often the things we worry about aren't the things that end up happening to us at all. But I treasure the nights I spend with this little boy. I treasure the things that he is learning and that I can see that growth every day. He starts folding his arms for prayers with no prompting from me, and he is learning actions for songs. His grandmas assure me that he is quite smart. And I don't worry about him anymore.

I feel so blessed to have this little guy. And that he is doing well. I'm sure that my challenges will come someday, but I'm glad, for now, that this is not it. He sure is cute.

But seriously, someone needs to tell him that no means no means no. And that when I say it, he should stop.

Seriously.

The Scarf

2010-02-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

This scarf pattern in a soft white yarn, about 6 feet long = gorgeous.

Thoughts of the Day

2010-02-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

When his Papa came home last night, J was so excited that he did a little jig. He had heard the ice maker in the fridge earlier during the evening and had mistaken it for the sound of the key in the lock, reached for the door, and tried to say "Dad." J dances quite frequently—when walking through the mall, whenever anyone claps, when music is turned on, or sometimes even when we just ask him to. His dancing was one of my joys of Christmas this year. At the family parties, some of my extended family members performed, and when the clapping started at the end of the performance, J would throw his hands up and start spinning and bopping around. I've been trying to catch a good video of the dancing, but I have not been ready in the right place and time as of yet.

We are actively house shopping again. Whether or not that means any decision will be made soon is still to be seen. We are just keeping an eye out for an option that suits us. It is nice to dream of a little house of our own.

I have been busy knitting lately. I finished a beautiful white lacy scarf for my sister's 21st birthday. She has recently been called as a missionary to serve in Nauvoo, Illinois. So proud of her! Pictures to come of the scarf—as soon as I find that lost camera cord. I'm proud of myself for finishing it in time.

Ole!

2010-01-28T08:43:00.001-08:00

Really enjoyed this speech by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) this morning on creativity.

It makes me want to go write.